


I will still love you anyway. . .

by Immaship



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Feels, Busking, Childhood Friends, College, Complicated Relationships, Fights, Fluff and Angst, Guitar, Long-Distance Friendship, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Mutual Pining, Open to Interpretation, Piano, Secret Crush, highschool, markhyuck, mention of sickness and injury, slight mention of homophobia, the ending is all up to you hehe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:26:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29756820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Immaship/pseuds/Immaship
Summary: Ethereal lovePlease don't fade away in my everydayI will choose you now and EverydayThey've been together since childhood, until they got separated for year in high school but they got reunited after, and then college happened. . .
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Mark Lee, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Kudos: 15





	I will still love you anyway. . .

**Author's Note:**

> This au is inspired by the Markhyuck Araw-Araw by Ben&Ben edit of the twitter acct @privehyck tysm for allowing to write this au <3<3<3
> 
> I do may have some errors and typos as per usual hehe, but I hope you'll still enjoy tyyy :) <3

####  **PART 1**

Middle school. What happens in middle school? You get to meet new students, and new teachers, have new friends and new subjects. It is also the time where a person’s youth is experienced because they’re very young and adventurous. Youth is also the season of spring, where everything is starting to bloom and grow to a beautifully nourished flower or a fruit. There is one flower that blooms under the hot summer sun, making its golden yellow petals shine among any field.

That’s how a young Mark Lee always describes a very energetic Lee Donghyuck when they were in their middle school days. Mark is a year older than him and his friends, but they all get along and have their friendship group. They all enjoyed their days in school because they get to see each other and be there whenever they need help on a subject or a project. They also spent their breaks lying on the field by Jaemin’s house in Jeonju. They all enjoy the feeling of grass prickling their skin and the fresh scent from the leaves and plants. 

_ It smells very plant—ful _ , Mark once said as he inhales the scent. It earned him laughter from his friends and a dolphin-pitch laugh from Chenle. 

They run around the field for no particular reason. They just want to run and let the wind hit their face and brush their hair back. As they all started to walk back to the shady spot under a big tree, Mark felt the urge to turn around. He did, and there he saw Donghyuck standing in the middle of the field, facing the sun. 

“What are you doing, Hyuck?” He asks. “And why are you facing the sun?” He lifts his arm to cover his eyes from the direct brightness of the sun rays.

Donghyuck hums, first, then a grin forms on his lips, “just enjoying the warmth and its beauty. That’s all.” 

“Oh,” Mark understands the sentiment, and he also knows that there’s something else about the sun that suddenly makes him smirk. “You know, people call you Haechan because you resemble the sun.”

Donghyuck chuckles, “yeah, I know. I still prefer Donghyuck, though.” He lowers his head, opens his eyes, then turns to Mark. “Which one do you prefer, Mark?”

Mark shakes his head as he hears Donghyuck, who is younger than him, not using honorifics once again, “you still won’t use ‘hyung’ whenever you call my name huh,”

“But I thought you are fine with us being same-age friends?” Donghyuck asks in a sassy tone as he crosses his arms on his chest. 

“Can’t remember saying that.”

“Then you must have a bad memory,” he points out like he’s giving Mark a hypothesis on why he cannot remember agreeing to what the younger is talking about. “But what is your answer?”

Mark inhales deeply. "Honestly, I think I already got a bit used to calling you Haechan than Donghyuck. But I still think Hyuck fits more because it's cute."

"Cute? Like me?" He made an aegyo pose as he flutters his eyelashes to Mark. 

Mark groans in disgust, but there's a wide grin on him and faint blush. "Eww no. The nickname is cute, not the person," he retorts. 

Donghyuck suddenly had a sad pout on his lips, which made Mark panic internally, thinking he might've been too harsh. He turns left and right as he looks for anything as he thinks of something. He spotted a small daisy then a lightbulb appeared. 

Mark picks the daisy then clears his throat, "ah, Hae—I mean, Donghyuck ah," he softly calls, making the younger look up to meet his eyes, still have the sad pout. "Look at the daisy, isn't cute?" 

"Hmph! No!" Now Donghyuck has a pouty frown. 

"Ah, I mean, the daisy is cute, but you—people also say that you resemble a sunflower, right?"

"Yeah?" 

"Well, sunflowers always face the direction of the sun, making them glow brighter and more beautiful.” Donghyuck’s frowns falter down as he listens intently to where Mark’s sudden anecdote about flowers will go. “When I saw you facing the sun a moment ago, I fully understood why people say that about you. You do look like a sunflower, like a beautiful glowing sunflower,” Mark feels so embarrassed by how nonsense and much of a random ramble he just did. His lips curled in cringe, silently praying that Donghyuck at least gets the genuine sentiment he is trying to convey as he redeems himself. 

He does not know that the younger felt a rush of warmth in him. Donghyuck never felt that before, but he always does whenever Mark compliments him or whenever they’re busking with just the two of them. Donghyuck knows that he never felt anything like that towards anyone nor anything. It’s just Mark. 

He brushes the thought before letting out a chuckle. “Ya, Mark Hyung, do you know that you should be careful who you say those kinds of words to?”

Mark knits his brows as he rethinks to the words he just said. There’s nothing wrong or bad about them. They’re all nice words. So, what is Donghyuck talking about? “Huh? Did I say something bad? I mean, I know my delivery is bad, but the words are genuine.”

“That’s not what I mean, Hyung. What I meant to say is that, if you will say those words to someone, there’s a great possibility for them to fall in love with you.” 

Mark is taken aback. “What? That’s impossible.”

Donghyuck just stares at him. His lip stretched in a thin line. He didn’t say anything, nor did any movement. Mark feels a bit uncomfortable from this kind of Donghyuck. The kind that he can’t decipher. 

Donghyuck shrugs his shoulders, “well, I’ll let you figure that out then.” He pats Mark on the shoulder before heading towards their friends.

Mark is left baffled and confused.  _ What’s wrong with what I said? And who will even fall in love with me because of that? _

  
  
  


Sometimes you will just face-palm on how dense and clueless a person is.

  
  


**\-------------------**

  
  


If there are times where they are having fun and laughing, there is also a time where they’re arguing and shouting.

“I don’t understand you, Hyung!”

“Of course you won’t because you never listen!”

“So it’s my fault now?!”

Jeno holds Donghyuck back as he is fuming in anger. While on the other side of the room, Jaemin, along with the help of Renjun, holds Mark back, who is about to pounce on Donghyuck.

“Calm down, you two!” Renjun shouts. “What’s wrong with you?!” Then he shoves Mark back as he steps forward to face Mark. “Huh?! What happened between you two?!” He turns to Donghyuck, who is leaning in Jeno’s hold as he tries to calm himself. “Hyuck, what happened?”

Donghyuck flinched as he hears that stupid nickname. He hissed as he pushes himself away from Jeno and immediately grabs his things on the small coffee table, and slings his backpack on his right shoulder. “Don’t ever talk nor contact me. That’s on all of you.” He huffs before rushing towards the wooden steps of the basement. He walks out then slams the door shut. 

Mark lets out a heavy breath he had been keeping in him. The frown on his face didn’t go away. He brushes Jaemin’s hold off him, then flops down his weight on the sofa. He takes his laptop and tries to focus on continuing on his essay. 

Everyone in the room is uncomfortable and distressed by the tension filling in the room. Chenle stands behind Jisung on the corner, both still shaken and a bit afraid to make a noise or movement. Jaemin is getting more worried about his friends. Renjun is stressed out with every fight that occurred between the two. They have zero clues on why Mark and Donghyuck, who are the closest to each other, fight for vague reasons or the small things. 

“I still don’t understand why whenever we have all got together, that on the very second you lay an eye on each other you start to growl and have that face,” Renjun says, his voice laced with tiredness and fed up. “Why? What really happened, Hyung?”

Mark didn’t say anything. Instead, he clenches his jaw then starts to aggressively type on the laptop, making the two younger on the corner flinch. 

“Ya, Hyung!” Jaemin halts him. Jaemin earns a stern, cold stare from the older, but he didn’t let it bother him. “Chenle and Jisung are scared, can’t you see?” Jaemin gestures his hand in their direction. Mark turns to them and sees their expressions. His expression dissolved into concern. “Renjun and I are both tired and fed up with you two,” Jaemin continues. “And Jeno—” He looks up, expecting to see Jeno on his spot, but he is not. “Where’s Jeno?”

Mark and Renjun look up and turn to where Jaemin is looking, also not seeing no one. 

“Jeno Hyung rushed outside while you were shouting,” Jisung says. 

“He went out and followed Haechan Hyung,” Chenle adds. 

Jaemin’s shoulders slowly fall down as he lets out a small audible breath. He knows Jeno will immediately rush to Donghyuck no matter what or where as long as he knows he will be by his side. Jaemin felt a pang in his chest, making him clench his jaw. 

“Let him,” Renjun says as he rubs his nape to ease himself from the tension from the whole situation. “Only him can make Donghyuck talk. And Donghyuck only feels comfortable to talk about certain things with him.”

“But he said that we should not talk nor contact him. _ ‘We’  _ as in all of us. What makes you think he will talk to Jeno?” Mark comments. 

“Why, has Jeno never been an exemption? And what makes you think he won’t?”

Now it’s Mark who clenched his jaw the second time.

  
  
  


Classes start, and so does Mark’s final year in middle school. The tension from that very day still exists between the two. Jeno and Renjun are trying to ease the tension, since they’re both in the same music class as the two. Most especially whenever Donghyuck suddenly makes a snarky comment towards Mark and when Mark retorts back, obviously with restraint because of their teacher and because their classmates are always tuning in. 

Mark has been trying his best to keep it cool, but ice melts when the temperature is too high. It was in one of their joint P.E. class that Donghyuck decided to rile him up. That made the older, instead of speaking back, punched him in the face. Mark watched him stumble back down. Donghyuck did not feel the pain. All he felt was the numbing sensation from the ringing in his ears. He’s frozen on his spot, not moving, also not speaking. Their classmates, even their teacher, are waiting for a reaction from them, but none came. It took a minute before they heard a faint thump of a sound of a body hitting the floor. 

Donghyuck’s body meets the hard cold wooden floor. He doesn't feel anything, just numbness. He also didn’t feel that he is slowly drifting into unconsciousness as his eyes slowly flutter shut. 

  
  


The moment he opened his eyes, he was blinded by the bright lights from the ceiling. He covers his eyes with his arm as he pushes himself up, groaning because he feels his body has no strength. He still can’t feel any pain, just nothing, but he feels like a heavyweight is attached to his cheek. He lifts his hand to touch it. He felt a sting as soon as he touched it. 

“Does it still hurt?” a voice came from the end of the bed. Donghyuck looks up and sees Jeno sitting on a chair with his arms crossed on his chest, eyes staring back at him. “Your cheek. Does it still hurt?”

“It doesn’t hurt, honestly. It just stings when touched,” his voice sounds weak and hoarse. 

“Do you want to eat or drink anything? Would like me to call the doctor and see what he can do to lessen the sting?” Jeno’s voice is always soft and patient whenever he talks to him. 

“What happened?”

“Well, you went unconscious, like you didn’t faint, but you just went blank. You didn’t cry or made any sound. You didn’t also move any of your limbs, and your body is a bit sluggish—more like lifeless as Mark Hyung carried you here.”

“He what?!” 

“Yeah, he’s the one who carried you here. Hyung dashed to your side and lifted you. Renjun and I and the other students are all baffled and shocked by what happened. Mr. Min talked with Hyung after he brought you here.”

“Seems like we’re both going to have a trip to the office later,” Donghyuck says in a condescending tone. 

Jeno hums, looking down at his hands. “You know, what’s going on between you and Mark Hyung are starting to affect not just the two of you or our group but also everyone who doesn’t know what’s happening,” he looks up. “What happened between you two? Why are you fighting?”

“I believe I already told you that I will never tell you nor talk about it with you.”

Jeno scoffs, making Donghyuck give him an eye. “Renjun always claims that I am an exemption when it comes to those kinds of things.”

“Yeah? And you believe him?” Donghyuck raises a brow. 

“Is he wrong though?” Donghyuck gulped, then avoided Jeno’s eyes. Jeno can’t help but have a small smile of pride. “What happened?”

Donghyuck chews his lower lip for a few moments before he sighs deeply, knowing Jeno is right. He is an exemption. “Mark Hyung and I fought,”

“We figured,” Jeno comments.

“Well, it happened a few days after we visited Jaemin’s house. . .'' Donghyuck feels tightness in his throat, and his hands begin to shake. Jeno noticed all of it. He stands up and sits on the space by Donghyuck’s legs, then reaches for his hands. “Take your time. I’m here to listen.” 

Donghyuck breathes in deeply, “you know I like. . .boys, right?” Jeno hums. “And you know that I have a crush on one, right?” Jeno hums again. Donghyuck removes his right hand then places it on top of Jeno’s, holding on to them. His shoulders start to shake. “Is—is it wrong? Is it bad? Am I disgusting?” he asks Jeno in between sniffles, and a tear falls. “Please tell me honestly, Jeno, am I disgusting?” More tears fall, and it’s his whole body that is shaking now with a sniff and small whimpers. 

Jeno panics but immediately scoots closer and wraps the other in his arms. He places Donghyuck’s head to lean on his navel, by his neck, as he rubs his back as an act to comfort or to ease him as the sobbing starts. Jeno can feel the collar of his shirt starts to get damp. Donghyuck is still holding his other hand as if it’s something he’s afraid Jeno might be gone, or it could be as if he is asking (more like begging) Jeno to be honest. 

“How could loving another person be disgusting? Donghyuck, you are not disgusting, okay? You, liking boys is not disgusting. It is the mean thoughts and words people say about it.” Jeno says, reassuringly and honestly. 

“But—but,” sniffs, “he said it’s—it’s disgusting and wrong.” Donghyuck sniffs again, pressing his forehead more as he succumbed himself in Jeno’s hold. 

Jeno can’t help but feel something churn in his stomach and knit his eyebrows. “Who is ‘he’, Donghyuck?” He wants a confirmation.

The door opens. 

“He’s on the fourth bed on the right,” an older male's voice came. 

“Is he awake? How is he?” a familiar voice came after. 

Jeno clenches his jaw, not sure if he will be able to keep himself calm if he sees who it is. Nonetheless, he turns his head enough to get a glimpse of the doctor and another figure behind the doctor walking towards them. 

“Jeno, hello,” the doctor greeted with a kind smile, but his smile switched into a frown. “What happened?” He rushed to the other side of the bed. He leans down, “Donghyuck, is there something that hurts?” 

Donghyuck thinks that he can't look at the doctor with that face because he thinks it is embarrassing and proves what  _ he _ said. He just nodded, his face still buried on Jeno’s left chest. The doctor looks at Jeno, to which he received the same worried expression. Jeno holds Donghyuck tighter when he hears that familiar voice again, coming from the end of the bed. 

“Why? What’s wrong? Is Hyuck crying?” Mark asks, becoming worried and feeling uneasy as he stands still. 

Donghyuck flinched by that nickname, which is not left unnoticed by the one who is holding him. 

Jeno clears his throat. “Um, doctor, is it okay if you will leave us for the meantime until Donghyuck calms down?”

“Ah, sure, yes. I will be outside, then. Just call me when he has calmed down, and then I’ll do the last check-up on the bruise before I let him leave, okay?”

Jeno nods once. 

“Why are you still here?” 

“I’m here to see how Hyuck is doing.”

“Well, I believe you can already guess what’s the answer for that,” Jeno responds in a stern voice and sarcastic tone. 

“Jeno,” Donghyuck mutters, then tightens his hold on Jeno’s hand. Like telling him not to acknowledge or start a fight. 

Mark stands there, clenching and unclenching his uncopied hand. He feels torn between replying to Jeno’s sarcastic response or being worried and wondering about why Donghyuck is crying. 

He chooses to shrug off what Jeno said and walks towards the table beside the bed. He tries not to glimpse on the curled up body because he knows he will—

He cuts the thought as he takes a deep breath. “I brought some of your favorite snacks, and there’s also kimchi jjigae. Your favorite.” He tries to make his voice lighthearted as he puts the plastic bags he has on his other hand. After he places the bags down carefully, he turns, but his eyes are glued on the floor. “Please eat up since you didn’t get to eat lunch. There’s also the cream that the doctor recommended to put on your cheek. He will tell you when you only have to and how to apply it on later.” 

Mark didn’t get any response or heard anything from the two other than the muffled sniffs. 

“Is that all?” Jeno suddenly asks, still looking at Mark with a stoic stare. 

“Yeah,” Mark replies under his breath. 

“Then you may leave,” Jeno coldly responds.

Mark swallowed thickly before nodding. He looks up to get a look at how Donghyuck is. As soon as he sees Donghyuck curl in Jeno’s arms and has his head buried on Jeno’s chest, he feels a pang of guilt in his chest. He knows that he could’ve just ignored the Donghyuck’s words and brushed it off instead of letting his hand have a mind of its own and physically hurting the younger. He feels guilty, but there’s a part of him that feels annoyed because now everyone thinks he’s the one who crossed the line, but in fact, it’s both of them who have been crossing the line. They’ve been throwing harsh, mean words back and forth. There are slight hits on the arm, but it didn’t occur into actual fistfights, well, not until now.

“Okay.” 

  
  


Once Mark stepped out of the room, Donghyuck peeks over Jeno’s shoulder only to get a glimpse of Mark’s back before it disappears behind the door completely. He lets his body fall completely in Jeno’s hold. 

“I think I might have been childish and too much,” he says, almost like a mumble. 

“You both have been too much,” Jeno says. “But he crossed the line by punching you. Don’t put all the blame on yourself.”

“Hm. . .” Donghyuck hums as a sad pout form on his lips. His hold on Jeno’s hand slowly loosen, and his eyes fluttering shut. “I wanna go home, Jeno. Please call Doyoung Hyung.” 

  
  


**\-------------------**

A few days have passed, Donghyuck and Mark never speak to each other, and none of their friends and classmates ever mentioned anything about what happened. If the tension before is a bit fiery, it is now unbearably awkward and thicker. It is because both of them have been quiet. There are no mean comments, snarky lines, or piercing stares they always send to each other's direction whenever they have the opportunity. Even their teachers are aware of the sudden change, and they also feel awkwardly tense. 

To put it simply everyone is quiet and awkward, most especially in their lunch breaks. The seven of them sit at the same table, trying to act normal as if they're not aware of the slight glimpses Mark and Donghyuck have whenever the other is not looking. 

Renjun can tell that Mark is succumbing to guilt whenever he looks at the patch attached to Donghyuck's cheek. 

Donghyuck has been closed and always next to Jeno. He also only smiles whenever he is with Jeno. He also only talks more when Jeno is around, and most of the time is quieter and not as cheerfully noisy as before. Donghyuck has also been avoiding a particular person. Well, they are avoiding each other for how many days now. But can he avoid that person if he is already standing at the door? 

"Hyung?" Donghyuck is surprised as he meets his eyes. 

"Hey," Mark greets with a sheepish smile. 

“What are you doing here?” Donghyuck asks, holding tightly on the door, preparing to close the door and forget about everything. 

“Uh. . . I’m here to say hi and ask you about—Can we talk?” Mark cuts himself in the possibility of not getting to the point and a blubbering mess. “About the fight and,” he points faintly at Donghyuck’s reddish cheek. “That,”

“What do we have to talk about anyway? I think you made everything clear on that day already.”

“No, I didn’t mean to do that. I didn’t mean to punch you—well, perhaps I did since your words are getting too much, and I'm not in the mood to deal with you that time. I—”

“I’m talking about  _ that _ day.” Donghyuck cuts him. His chest heavily goes up and down. He tries to keep his composure and stand properly. “The day you said those words.”

“Oh, that day, um. . .”

“You don’t have to explain yourself. It’s your opinion and your perception. Who am I to subjectify you to change those to yourself? But can you at least apologize and admit that you’re insensitive for saying those words?”

“Insensitive? How am I insensitive in telling the right thing?”

He frowns on how Mark’s expression is clueless on how wrong he is. “So it is right to call people who love other people of the same sex wrong and disgusting? Wow, that is the most justified insensitive statement coming from you.” Donghyuck says in an offended tone, his brows knitted, and his frown deepens. “Then what if I tell you that I’m like them?” he lets go of the door. “Will you call me disgusting too?”

“I—I, no. No. I will never call you that,” Mark responds with a shaky voice and a shake of his head. “No. You’re not disgusting—”

“But those people are?”

“No. . . Yes—No, I mean—”

“Just admit that you are one of those insensitive and judgemental people who always condemn others just because they choose to love.” Donghyuck is trying to avoid saying the  _ H-word _ . 

Mark glowers his eyebrows, “aren’t you being too much? I’m not saying that it is bad. It is just. . .bizarre and different.”

“So, you are saying,” Donghyuck crosses his arms on his chest. “It is not bad, but there is something wrong with it? What is the difference?”

Mark heavily sighs as he scratches his nape, a gesture he does to calm or ease the tension rising in his nerves. “Aren’t you being a bit dramatic?”

“Dramatic?!”

“And a bit childish,” Mark adds, deadpan.

“Oh, so, I’m the one who is dramatic and childish? Okay.” Donghyuck takes a step and stands firmly, too like he’s towering Mark (but they have the same height). “Then you’re the one who is insensitive and really. . .”

“Really what?”

Donghyuck takes in a sharp breath before saying, “really mean.”

“How am I mean? It’s not like I forced them to be what they are. And it’s not my fault if you’re like them.” It takes a second before Mark realizes what he just said. His eyes suddenly quiver and his mouth opens and closes. 

Donghyuck stood in shock, hearing those words  _ from _ Mark himself. He does not know whether to shout at his face or slam the door, then cries as everything the other male has said pierced through him. It hurts. 

He closes his eyes and takes a deep inhale. Tears are starting to form in the corner of his eyes, and his body is shaking a bit. “I hate you. And just so you know, I  _ am _ one of them. If you can’t accept me nor respect them, let alone apologize for everything you said, then forget we’re even best friends.” The last words slip out his tongue with a bitter sting. He didn’t wait for Mark to say anything before stepping back at the door and slamming it shut. He heaves, grasping on the wood, then running towards his room upstairs, locking himself. 

He’s thankful that his brother is not home and his parents are in their hometown. 

He can’t help but sob and cry on his bed, hugging tightly the Mickey Mouse stuff toy given to him by Mark on his birthday. He feels the burn in his chest and tightness in his throat. He pushes himself up, turning towards the bedside table and staring with tear-filled eyes at the picture frame, dimly lit by the faint light of the Shin Chan night light LED stand. 

Donghyuck reaches for the frame with his left hand. He stared at all seven of them with their painted faces for a Halloween costume party a few years ago. He can’t even let a small smile form in his face as it keeps being cut by a sob and the pain residing in him. He can’t feel a bit of joy recalling from the memory; all he can feel is bitterness. He feels bitter looking at himself, his arm wrapped around Mark’s waist, and Mark wraps his arm around Donghyuck’s shoulder. The both of them are brightly smiling as they hold their Halloween pumpkin buckets full of sweets. 

Donghyuck lets out a sob before turning down the frame. A wooden thunp echoed in the room, as well as Donghyuck’s continuous sobs. He pulls the blanket on his head and hugs the Mickey Mouse tighter. 

  
  


Mark stood facing the door, frozen on his feet. 

_ I really messed up.  _

  
  


**\-------------------**

  
  


Donghyuck didn’t go to school for a few days after that uneventful day. The only thing Mark, Renjun, Jeno, Jaemin, Chenle, and Jisung know is he was sick. That is at least what they’ve got from Donghyuck’s brother, Doyoung. He didn’t say anything else, even to the teachers, just that. 

Renjun and Jaemin are worried and talk about a plan to visit and bring Donghyuck food and some things that might cheer him up (hopefully). Chenle and Jisung chimed in with them. Jeno. . .well, Jeno has a gut feeling in him saying that Donghyuck is not sick; there might be other reasons he didn’t go to school. He tries to hold himself back from suspiciously looking at the person sitting quietly opposite to him. 

  
  


Donghyuck came back two weeks before their summer break started. Renjun and Jaemin became careful in talking and hanging out with him. Chenle and Jisung kept their young, cheerful aura in attempts to also cheer the older up. It worked, but Donghyuck changed. It's a different change from the one before. He's not cold, but he's distant. He is not that quiet, but his voice is not that beamy and happy. He smiles more often now, but the sparkle in his eyes is not there. 

Obviously, all of them noticed that, but there's one who bears those details in his mind. 

  
  
  


“Hey, um, Taeyong Hyung, can I ask you a question?” Mark asks his brother, scribbling down on a notebook while looking left and right between two books. 

“Yeah, sure,” his brother responds, eyes still focused on a page and scribbling the last few words he takes notes. He puts down his pen and peels away from the book, then looks at Mark. “What is it?” 

Mark steps into the room and walks towards the desk. “Um, are you, like, familiar with the idea of people liking other people of the same sex?”

Taeyong furrows his brows and adjusts his glasses. “You mean, homosexuality?”

Mark nods. 

“Yeah, I do. What about it? Are you. . . .”

Mark perks and shrugs his hands, “no, no. I’m not.” He feels his cheeks heat up suddenly. “It’s just—I have a friend who brought it up one time, and I’ve said some words that made him angry or more like offended him. Then he told me that he’s like them. Then I said more words that worsened the situation.”

“What words did you exactly say? Are those words perhaps in the line of a) it’s bad and what they’re doing is wrong, but it’s not that bad, but it’s still bad  _ and _ wrong, or b) to put it simply, it’s disgusting?” 

Mark averts his eye on the floor as he chews his lower lip. “Yeah. . . both.”

“Did you mean them when you said them?” Taeyong puts his arm on the chair arm then leans on it. "And let me guess, your friend called you insensitive and mean?" Mark nods. 

Taeyong sighs.

"Mark, if a person loves another person, that should be it, right? They love each other, so? People these days should stop acknowledging the so-called  _ normal _ ," Taeyong makes air quotes. "Then keep on saying love is for everyone and universal regardless of this, regardless of that. How ironic," he rolls his eyes. "If the society lets a man love a woman, a woman, loves a man, then why not let a man love a man and a woman love a woman? Is loving a person of the same sex enough reason to condemn a person? What they have is different, but it is still two people loving each other. That's it,"

Taeyong breathes for a second before having a soft smile. He watches his brother take all of what he said in and understand it. 

He pushes his chair a bit back then stands beside Mark. "You don't have to take it all in right away. It is okay if you're unfamiliar and don't know that much about them, but that doesn't mean you can judge them immediately. If your friend is offended by what you've said, then your friend has all the right to hate you and be angry and offended by what you've said. The only thing I can advise you is to, before you apologize, you should reflect on what you've said and make sure that you understand where you went too much. Then try to do everything to mend your friendship."

Mark nods as he keeps everything his brother said. He might have been too mean and insensitive for saying those, not just to those people in general, but specifically on the face of his best friend.

"Can I guess who could be that friend?" Taeyong suddenly asks, nudging Mark. "It's Donghyuck, isn't it?" Mark did not reply, but there is a change in his expression, from a thinking frown to a sad one with his brows furrowed.

"What makes you think it's Donghyuck?" 

"I haven't seen you two hang out for like months now, not unless you're with your friends or in school. He also doesn't go here every weekend like he used to. And you—you stopped playing the guitar and randomly humming in your room."

Mark fell silent. 

Taeyong notices the slight flinch on his brother’s shoulders he mentioned about the guitar. Even in a regular school week, Mark will randomly pick up his guitar then start strumming the string and accompanied with random hums. Taeyong swears he once heard Mark mumbles some words and sees him scribbling those on his notebook. Then, all of a sudden, a few weeks before summer ended, Mark stopped picking the guitar and seemed to be irritated and under the clouds whenever he came home. 

He wraps an arm around Mark and pulls him a comforting side hug. “Just talk to him, Mark. Talk to him. Everything will be okay.” He rubs Mark’s shoulder as Mark leans on his shoulder, then he places his head on top of Mark’s. 

The two brothers let the comforting warmth and the quiet atmosphere succumb them under the faint light from Taeyong's desk lamp. 

  
  


**\-------------------**

  
  


It is a tradition after middle school graduation that the students will go on a trip to Jeju. Here they are on Jeju. 

All of the middle schoolers are excited to play with their friends without the worry of assignments or requirements and deadlines. They are also very delighted to relax and have fun because for a few months they will enroll and turn into high schools. The school rented a big vacation house enough for the whole batch to stay for three days and two nights. It’s basically like a retreat for them. 

One of the advisers supervised the assigning of the rooms. The rooms are also big, containing: four bunk beds, four closets, and a bathroom. There are also some other interior features in there, like the window side couch, a study table at the corner, and a wall shelf with a few books and ornaments. 

Upon all the statistical and random arrangements of names that will be in one room, Mark ends up with Lucas, his closest friend in his batch. 

The whole morning and afternoon went very peacefully and happily for most of them. Mark decides to wander around where there are not many people, where it is just him and the quietness while thinking about how he will talk to Donghyuck after this trip. He is thinking about when, where, and how he would approach the younger without rattling him in any way and completely screw things up between them. 

He suddenly reminisces about Donghyuck’s smiley and cheery energy and smile. Donghyuck is the mood maker in the group. He always initiates games, and jokes making everyone laugh and smile. He is also the one who they can call for help and will immediately respond and lend a hand without hesitation. 

He might be known for being a troublemaker, but he is also the wittiest and bold person Mark has ever met. Donghyuck does not hold back on pointing errors or biased guidelines or rules in school activities. He does not hold back even if the one he is talking to is either a teacher or someone older than him. They never hold a grudge or get angry at him. They admire him for that. 

Mark admires him for that. 

He also admires the younger’s passion for music and singing. It may be perhaps the sole reason why he started inviting Donghyuck to his house every weekend. To sing the lyrics he wrote and even just busk with him in his room until it naturally became a cycle. Mark has other friends who know and are aware of his interest in writing and composing songs, but he never played any of it in front of them. He feels uncomfortable and shies away. He will offer to play a song request instead. Other than that, he also feels like it’s wrong to play it with people that are not Donghyuck. He doesn’t know why, but to put it simply, he feels more comfortable to open that side of him to Donghyuck. 

Reflecting on those days, he feels empty and alone now. It has also been quite some time since he last opened and wrote in his notebook and touched a guitar. 

  
  


**\-------------------**

  
  


Mark runs around the corner of a street. He is gasping for breath as he stops in front of a moving van. He places his hands on his knees as he takes a moment to catch his breath. After that, he stands properly and fixes the strap of the guitar bag on his chest and his clothes. His hold tightens as he takes a few steps until he sees some boxes stacked and luggage bags being loaded by two carriers in the back of the van. 

He takes a deep breath before calling the name of the boy that handed another bag to one of the carriers. 

“Donghyuck!” The boy looked at him with surprised eyes. 

Donghyuck furrows his brows because of confusion and the lingering resentment from the memory of  _ that _ day. “What are you doing here?”

“Can we talk?”

Donghyuck scuffs, “talk? The last time you asked me to talk ended with you justifying how much you don't like people like me.” 

Mark opens his mouth but then closes it, not sure what to say suddenly. He feels that he must know that he messed things up  _ that _ last time.

He hears an audible heavy sigh, “okay. Let’s talk.” Mark perks up. “I wouldn’t want to leave without saying some things to you anyway. Kinda makes my chest heavy.” Donghyuck says the second sentence under his breath.

“Sure!” Mark can’t help but feel happy (?) or thankful, more on that Donghyuck lets him. “Where would you like to talk then?”

Donghyuck lifts a brow, “shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?”

“But I would prefer where you’re comfortable at,” Mark says genuinely, making Donghyuck stare at him. 

Mark suddenly feels tense because it suddenly became quiet between them. Donghyuck stares at him more before saying, “wait here. I’ll tell Doyoung Hyung that I’ll go for a short walk, and then we can go and talk.”

Mark nods, “okay.” 

  
  


“So, what do you want to talk about?” Donghyuck asks. He and Mark are sitting by the swing set at the playground at the nearby neighborhood park. It is also where they sometimes go when they need to be away from any pen and textbook and guitar and some music sheets. 

“Um,” Mark chews his lower lip. “I want to apologize for everything I’ve said and for hurting your feelings and for punching your face.”

“Uhuh,”

“And I will also admit that I am insensitive and mean to you and them.”

Donghyuck hums and nods once. “I want to apologize for all the snarky words I’ve said and also for all the times I annoyed and riled you. I will also admit that I am a bit childish and dramatic for choosing to pick a fight with you instead of talking it out.”

“You were a bit of an annoying brat, to be honest,” Mark comments lightheartedly. 

“Well, you were an oblivious mess Hyung to be fair,” Donghyuck remarks in a matter-of-fact way, and he puts up a bread smile to Mark. 

Mark shifts in his place to turn to Donghyuck, offering his hand. “So, apologies accepted?” 

Donghyuck looks at the hand before looking up to Mark. He takes the hand and gives a small smile of relief. “Apologies accepted.” 

“Apologies accepted.” They shook their hands then let go. Then they both inhaled deeply and audibly sighs in relief at the same time, surprising them. They end up laughing at it, perhaps also in the past that they’ve just fastened and the friendship that they’ve mended.

“But Hyung,” Donghyuck says. “Can you promise me something?”

“Sure. What is it?”

Donghyuck fondles on his fingers, “can you promise that nothing will change between us? That you won’t change how you see me?”

Mark looks with seriousness in his eyes. He raises his hand in an oath-taking manner. “I promise nothing will ever change between us, especially in the way I see you.” His smile makes Donghyuck feel so relieved and lets out a breath, and the beamy smile is back. Mark felt happy to know that they are okay now. 

They stay there quietly swinging, making the rusty chains make small creaking sounds. 

“Hyung, can I ask you something?”

“Sure,”

“Why do you have your guitar with you?”

“Oh, ah, I was actually,” Mark stands to remove the bag straps then getting the guitar out of it. He sits again then places the guitar in his arms. “I was planning to play it for you just in case you did not let me talk to you.”

Donghyuck stifles a laugh, “so you will sing instead?” Mark nods, giddily like he seems proud about it. “You really are a dork, Hyung,” Donghyuck and he ends up laughing at that fact. He is indeed a dork, but he is the kind of dork that you’ll unconsciously slowly get attracted to. It is, no doubt, one of Mark's charming points, other than his kind personality, sparkly eyes, squeaky laugh, and guitar skills. 

“What will you play for me?” Donghyuck asks as he wipes a tear with his sleeve. 

“Not sure what specifically, but I thought about that one song we wrote before.”

“Oh, that song. But it isn’t finished yet, right?”

“Yeah, it isn’t. That’s why I just thought about any song that I can recall you always requested me to play when we, ya know, do our traditional busking.”

“Oh, the Man in the Mirror? Or is it Billionaire?”

“I think it’s both.”

“Hm,” Donghyuck shifts in a thinking position. “Let me think of something new then.” Mark can’t help but giggle. 

In a short moment, Donghyuck hops a little excitedly as he snaps his fingers and claps. “Hyung, have you heard of the song Goodbye Summer?”

“Ah. . .I think so?”

“Wait, I’ll play it for you.” Donghyuck taps on his phone then plays the song. 

They both listened to it for a while. Mark likes the beat, and he seems to get what chords will be for the guitar. He asks Donghyuck to look for the chords. Donghyuck guides him until he gets the hang of the chords and the strumming patterns he’ll do. It took them a while, though. 

Donghyuck teases Mark. “Seems like you haven’t been playing the guitar for a while for you to be this a bit rusty."

“Well.” Mark grins, then he shifts his eyes from the strings to Donghyuck. “I haven’t been with my busking partner for a while so that probably explains why.”

“Are you saying that I’m the cause of your rusting in playing the guitar?”

“No. I’m saying that you’re mainly the reason why I play the guitar.” 

Donghyuck has never felt this flustered with cheesy or corny lines he has heard from Mark. His mouth falls agape, and his cheeks are turning a bit red. He tries to shake it off, and then he looks at the ground. “Since when did you learn to be this cheesy?”

“Do you like it? You seem flustered about it.” Mark is smiling happily with finally having the chance to tease the younger back.

“No. I don’t like it. I think it doesn’t suit you.”

Mark chuckles, “if you say so. Anyway, let’s try again, yeah?” He starts strumming again. 

Mark plays the guitar while Donghyuck sings the song. Mark always knew that whenever he heard the younger’s voice. It is like listening to an angle, very suiting and heavenly. Probably it’s another sole reason why he loves playing the guitar and busking with Donghyuck. It’s his voice, his angelic, heavenly voice. 

  
  


“When will you fly to Jeju again?”

“In 17.”

Mark mentally counts the days left, “almost three weeks.”

“It’s short notice. Mom called us one night telling us that Pa is sick, and there’s no one in our relatives that can visit and look after him. Doyoung Hyung has been a mess for the past weeks. He’s in between his finals in high school. He has many requirements he still has to pass to certain universities for his college application and scholarship. I feel bad that I can’t do enough, or more, to help Hyung.”

“Hey, I’m sure you’ve done enough to help him. And knowing Doyoung Hyung, he also thinks the same.”

Donghyuck hums in a sad tone. “I wish Pa will be okay sooner. I don’t like the idea of him or anyone that I love being in pain. Pa is healthy, but I think he pushed himself too hard. He always reasons that he has to because it is for all of us.”

“Your Pa will be okay soon, Hyuck, do not worry. Besides, Doyoung will surely take care of him very well. He will heal in no time. Doyoung Hyung is taking a medical course, right?”

“Yeah, he will,”

Mark reaches his hand around Donghyuck's shoulder. He rubs his arm, like how Taeyong does to comfort him. “You’ll be fine.”

“But I’ll miss you guys. I’ll be gone for like a year or who knows how long.” Donghyuck says in a devastating voice. 

“It’s just a year, Hyuck. Time flies very fast nowadays.”

  
  


Time flies because it seems it’s just yesterday when Mark and Donghyuck reconciled from their ‘summer fight’. It’s what their friends labeled it as after they told them that they’re okay now. Here they are now, standing at the entrance of the airport, a bit teary-eyed as they help Doyoung and Donghyuck place their luggage on the airport cart. It’s a few bags of their clothes and other things. Most of their clothes and belongings have been sent to their house in Jeju a week prior.

Renjun is holding back his tears as he hugs Donghyuck. Jaemin gives him the softest hug (as Donghyuck likes to calls it). Chenle and Jisung gave him a tight bear hug, making his chuckle a little as the two tightened their embrace. Jeno hesitated to initiate a hug since he’s not that used to or into the idea of a physical way of showing affection. 

Donghyuck sweetly grins before stepping towards him and pulls him in a brief hug before scoring a peck on his cheek, which takes Jeno by surprise. Donghyuck runs from him as Jeno chases him around the area, making the few people sitting by the benches and walking look at them with judging stares. Yuta, Doyoung's friend, whispers to Doyoung. 

"I swear, one day, your brother will get beaten up."

Doyoung chortles. “Trust me, I have been told even by our parents, and I know.”

Jeno came back holding the hand of a whining Donghyuck. “Let go! Yah! Jeno, my hand hurts.” Donghyuck protests as he struggles to remove Jeno's strong grip. Jeno chuckles and enjoys the way that the little devil in the name of Donghyuck having a taste of his own medicine.

Jeno only let go when Jaemin nags him too. “Ya, Jenossi, he already told you to let go. Why don’t you try, instead of crushing his hand, beat his butt in KartRider?” Jaemin suggests with a smirk as he playfully wiggles his eyebrows up and down.

Jeno beams up with the idea. 

Donghyuck, even if he's still massaging his 'crushed' hand, scoffs. "As if you will ever. Tsk, in your dreams—ah! No. Please, no!!" He backtracked when Jeno stepped forward and immediately cradles his hand in his chest and steps backward that he bumps into Mark. "Mark Hyung! Protect me!" 

Mark doesn't know when it became muscle memory, but he wraps his arms around Donghyuck. "Enough. You two already made a scene and baffling everyone in the airport."

Jeno chuckles as he complies and steps back, standing by Jaemin's side.

Mark leans down as he softly says, "it's okay now, Hyuck." He wraps his other arm around the younger, embracing him. "Be safe in your flight. Don't cause any trouble to the other passengers, please," Mark earned a thump on his chest, making giggle. "Text me when you've landed there, okay?"

"Okay," Donghyuck's response is muffled. 

####  **PART 2**

Time flies, doesn't it? Can you believe it's been a year ever since Donghyuck went to Jeju? Mark graduated middle school and now in his second year in high school. Jeno, Renjun, and Jaemin have graduated from middle school. Chenle and Jisung are in their last year in middle school, but Chenle might take his high school in Shanghai back in China. It saddens Jisung, but Chenle reassures him that he will still visit Jisung on season breaks. 

In Mark’s first year in high school, it took a while before he warmed up in the new place, new environment, and new people. He made some friends, and they are all great and kind. In his second year, he felt happier when he saw Jeno, Renjun, and Jaemin walk into the school lobby. He welcomes them warmly and introduces them to his friends. 

On Monday, Mark waits by the school gate for the three. It is like a small tradition that they came up with. They will enter the school together and leave the school also together. Mark looked at his watch to check the time. Thirty minutes—thirty minutes before his first-class starts. Normally, the three will be here ten minutes ago, but they’re still not. Mark stands up straight and shifts his weight to his right leg. 

“Hyung!”

“Mark Hyung!” 

“Hyung!!”

Mark beams in the direction of the voices. He sees Jeno, Renjun, and Jaemin waving their hands in the air and calling him. He notices that they are more smiley and cheery early in the morning. He smiles back and waves his arms at them. “Hi! Good morning!”

“Good morning, Mark Hyung,” Renjun greets.

“The morning is really good, isn’t it?” Jaemin says, with a very tight happy smile as he clasps his hands on his chest. “Is it not it, Hyung?”

“Ah. . .yeah,” Mark nods. “It is.”

“Yeah, and the  _ sun _ seems to be very warm and bright today,” Jeno says. 

Mark furrows his brow, then looks at the sky. “Hm, yeah, it is." It makes Mark more curious on why they are suddenly too  _ bright  _ and smiling so happily. 

  
  


“Hey, have you heard about the new kid?” A girl asks her seatmate.

“Yeah, I heard he’s from. . .is it Busan?” Her seatmate replies.

“I thought it’s Jeju?” A guy jumps in.

“I don’t know,” the replies. “But Busan is a bit near Jeju, right?”

The guy and the seatmate nod at the same time. 

“Oh, I also heard he’s very cute,” the seatmate giggles. 

“Tsk, you already looked upon the new student?” The guys asked.

“It’s good to look up new people. So that I can decide whether to like them or not.” 

“Gosh,” the guy shakes his head in disbelief while the girl chuckles.

  
  


Mark hears their conversation since his table is next to the seatmates. He can’t help but be intrigued by the thought of a new student arriving today. He wonders how the new student catches up since a whole week has already passed full of activities and brief discussions and orientations. He hopes that the new student will meet people he or she will be comfortable with, for them not to have a hard time adjusting. 

(Mark is a pure thoughtful bean, I know)

At lunch, he joins his same-year friends. They were talking about the upcoming short quiz in their next class when they heard people audibly gasp and whisper, particularly loud. 

“What’s happening?” Rocky, the one sitting next to Mark, asks.

“I don’t know, and I have no idea,” Mark replies, craning his neck a bit to glimpse at the entrance of the cafeteria.

They were all startled when Lucas appeared out of nowhere and excitedly answered their questions. “It’s the new student.”

“Ohh,”

“You will be very thrilled to see who it is Mark,” Lucas says with a big smile, showing his bright teeth.

“Huh?” It takes Mark a second before his eyes widen. “Wait! Are you saying—“ 

A roar of cheer came from a table.

Mark rose from his seat as soon as he heard the name. He sees Jaemin, Renjun, and Jeno jumping while group-hugging someone.  _ That _ someone is not just anyone. He watches as the three stops jumping and starts to disperse from the hug, revealing none other than—

Mark feels like time suddenly slowed down, and everything blurs except for the fact that he hasn’t seen it for a while. He feels his ears tingle when the same giddy giggle that he always hears whenever he is being teased. He also feels his body is so light as his feet carried him towards the four. 

“Donghyuck,” his voice sounds like a whisper, but he looks at him. Mark can’t explain, but he knows his breath hitched as their eyes met for the first time after a long time. He can’t also explain why his pulse suddenly increased as the younger flashes his bright smile. 

“Mark Hyung,” he greets, then steps forward. “Long time no see.”

Mark is completely speechless as he hears the younger’s voice. Still honey-laced and soft. 

“Long time no see too, Donghyuck.”

Within a beat, Donghyuck jumps to wrap his arms around Mark’s neck, and Mark has his around Donghyuck’s waist. Mark immediately succumbed to a very flowery scent, like having your nose on a very soft bud of a peony flower or a rose. He tightens his hold as he buries his nose on Donghyuck’s ever-so fluffy locks. 

Donghyuck lets out a breathy laugh before pulling away, but Mark flinched. “Hyung, you have to let me go. People are looking at us right now.”

Mark snaps back, in reality, then pulls away and stands flustered as he clears his throat. “Sorry about that. I just—I miss you.”

“Well, I miss you too, Hyung. I miss all of you,” he turns to the three, who are smiling back as brightly as he does. 

  
  
  


_ They really did miss each other. _

  
  


**\-------------------**

  
  


On the weekend, the seven of them meet up at their usual spot on the neighborhood playground. Donghyuck was tackled down on the ground as the two youngest jumped on him and smothered with cries of his name and ‘we miss you’s. Donghyuck had a deja vu of the time he arrived at the doorstep of their house in Jeju. His younger sibling tackled him too, then clings on him the whole day. He feels a rush of endearment towards the two. 

Donghyuck told them that he will treat them to lunch, and here they are now, happily eating at the convenience store near the Han river where Jaemin and Jeno always stop by whenever they go to have their bike rides (slash dates, as Chenle claims cannonly 😉). 

They ask Donghyuck about the condition of his father and how his family is doing back in Jeju. Donghyuck said that his father’s condition is better and that he’s fully recovered from his sickness. The doctor recommended vitamins for him to take. His mother is doing well and is still as pretty as ever; His siblings are also doing fine, and they’re more energetic and playful than he is now.

“How about Doyoung Hyung? How is he?” Jeno asks after taking a bit on the chicken. 

“Doyoung Hyung didn’t apply to a college because he was already accepted in a university here. It's a great relief when they told us that they allow Hyung to postpone a year since, you know, we have to be for our Pa. Also, Jeju is like a thousand miles away from here, and the internet connection there is not that stable.”

“Ohh, then this year will be his first year in college.”

“Yup,” Donghyuck nods.

“How's your school there, Hyung ?” Chenle asks while scooping a spoonful of hot soup of his ramyeon. 

“Pretty good. I made some friends. They’re fine I guess.” He shrugs.

Mark eyes him, more like reading any sign of discomfort or distaste. “Are they good friends?” he suddenly asks.

Donghyuck looks up from his plate, then nods. “They’re great. It is just that. . . They’re not like you—I mean  _ they are _ not you, and they’re different from you, and it’s fine, but,'' Donghyuck trails with his words as his eyes drift back down. “It feels very different, and I feel distant from them, even though I get to be with them for like five or six times a week, mainly because of school. I don't hang out-- or more like they don't hang out with me outside or to. . .hang out and enjoy the day." His voice condensed to a sadder tone. A tone that they all very rarely, almost have never, heard. 

A heavy silence fell upon the table. 

The six look at Donghyuck with worry and sad frowns as they try to empathize with what Donghyuck went through. A sniff came, Donghyuck's shoulders flinched. Renjun, sitting next to him, gently places a hand on his back, patting it. A gesture he does to say that it's okay. 

A minute filled with silence flew by before Donghyuck let out a heavy sigh and shakes his head, then shrugs Renjun's hand. He gulped thickly before forcing a smile. "Hehe, sorry for that. Ah. . .just got a bit emotional there. I'm okay, though." He reassures them.

"Are you sure?" Jeno asks. 

Donghyuck nods, "Yeah, I am." He beams a tight smile.

"Ya, Donghyuck Hyung," Chenle calls, then puts down his chopsticks with the chicken. "Since when did you learn to speak emotionally like that?" He casually asks, but they all know he's not apathetic. He is trying to lighten the mood of the older, not make fun.

Donghyuck lightly chuckles, knowing the intention behind it. "Why, does it suit me?” 

Chenle shakes his head, “not really.”

“Then what do you think suits me?”

“Cheerful, beamy, annoying, ‘always-love-to-tease-and-make-fun-of-Mark-Hyung’ mode, and happy smile suits you the best, Hyung.” Chenle genuinely answers with a wide smile, making his cheekbones prominent.

Donghyuck lets out a breathy chuckle. “What’s with the last one? I don’t  _ always _ tease and make fun of Mark Hyung. I do it like every once in a while.”

Mark jerks his head, “ _ every once in a while _ ?”

“Yeah. I’m not like that to you, Hyung. Only to Reojeonssi!” 

The table laughed at the inside joke. Renjun smiles through the pain and lets out a sympathetic laugh. 

  
  


There are people whose coping mechanism is joke-making or just anything to cover or push away the sadness in them and do something that will make other people smile or laugh. It’s kind of noble of them to do that, knowing it’s kind of unhealthy and exhausting to do most of the time. 

How about you? Have you ever had a problem that you would like to tell your friends but you’ll end up vaguely tell it then later on cover it with a sarcastic joke to shade it then laugh about it as if it’s a sad attempt at pretending to be okay?

  
  


They walk back to their homes. Renjun, Jisung, and Chenle went in the same direction since they live in the same area. Jeno and Jaemin also went in the same direction because they live next to each other. Mark offers Donghyuck to walk him to his house. It’s a chance Mark takes to be alone with Donghyuck. 

“You know, you don’t have to do that.” Mark starts.

Donghyuck completely knows where Mark wants to head.

“I don’t have to do what?” He asks ‘innocently’. 

“You know what I mean, Hyuck.” Donghyuck flinched with the sudden appearance of the nickname. “You don’t have to force a smile whenever you feel down or sad. We’ve talked about this before, right? You know we will never judge you. We will be there by your side, and listen.”

Donghyuck bites his lower lip and tightens his grip on the straps of his backpack. “I know that. . .” 

Another moment of awkward silence fills in the atmosphere again. 

Donghyuck knows that, of course he does. He knows and always has that in mind. The problem is, he doesn't know how to do it. He knows that he can trust them, but that doesn’t mean he’s comfortable with the idea of opening himself emotionally. There’s a part of him that is scared of what or how it could affect how they see or know him. 

“You know that, then what’s stopping you from stopping what you were doing?” 

“I just don’t want to crumble in front of all of you.” Donghyuck honestly responds. “I don’t like that idea. I don’t like it because I have this mindset where I should not be weak, that I should be strong for the people around me. I have to be strong, even if I can’t anymore, because what if they need me or a support or just a person they can cry and talk to.”

Mark furrows his brows, “that is a very emotional self-depriving mindset. Hyuck,” he stops at his track and reaches for Donghyuck’s shoulders to make him stop and turn. Mark looks deeply in the younger’s eyes, clearly seeing that the shine in them has changed. He can’t help but frown, because he’s sad and worried about the younger and at the same time kind of mad about the younger imposing himself in that kind of state. 

Mark’s eyes soften as he notices his eyes are getting misty and his lips are curling in a tight line. Without a second thought, he pulls the younger in his chest, wrapping his arms on his shoulders. Donghyuck is baffled at the suddenness, but eases as he lets the tears slowly roll down. He buries his nose on Mark’s shoulder and keeps his hands in between their chests.

He softly cries as Mark massages his nape. A gesture Mark does to soothe Donghyuck, whenever he’s stressed out or upset or under the weather. Mark knows that Donghyuck is the kind of person who appears to be always fully charged and seems so carefree, but is containing everything inside of them, hiding and covering with a facade of a smile. 

It might be a bit redundant now as we keep describing Donghyuck, but it’s an important personality trait or characteristic he has, that only a few sees, or let alone notices or cares about. This is also to emphasize a message that everyone should keep reminding themselves and in their mind.

“You know, it’s completely fine and valid to admit that you’re not okay rather than lying about being okay,” Mark softly reminds. 

  
  
  


Mark walked Donghyuck to the gate of the younger’s house. 

“Do you want to go inside?” Donghyuck asks.

“Nah, maybe next time. It’s pretty late, and I think my phone is now filled with missed calls and unread text messages from Taeyong Hyung,” he jokes. Donghyuck chuckles as he knows it’s actually true. 

“Okay. Next time, you promise? Doyoung would like to see you again, and the others too.”

“Yeah, I promise. He must’ve missed Jeno while being away.”

“Oh, absolutely, you have no idea. I sometimes think if he’s really my brother or he is actually Jeno’s brother that I am living with thinking he is my brother. My brain cells are melting as I process how to say that.”

They both whole heartedly laughed together. 

“Yeah, the second one kinda makes sense. Doyoung Hyung really likes him." Mark says.

"And treats him like his  _ real _ brother." Donghyuck adds. 

they take a moment to let the laugh and giggles dile down.

Mark leans his head on the right before a smile forms on his lips as he sees Donghyuck smiling and hearing his giggles after a whole year of hearing it only through memory, making him wishing to hear it in actual one day. This is the one day. 

"What's with the smile, Hyung?" Donghyuck squints his eyes, judging Mark.

"What smile?" 

"That one on your stupid face right now." Donghyuck retorts then whizzes at Mark's reaction. 

Mark is in complete disbelief, but he didn't hold any grudge or offense, knowing it's just the younger teasing him. 

"You good now?" He asks after waiting for Donghyuck to calm down and steadies himself as he holds on to the handle on the gate. "Did you have fun?"

"Yeah, I have," Donghyuck responds while wiping the corner of his eyes. 

Mark shakes his head.  _ Something never changed _ . 

"Anyways, I have to go now. Tell Doyoung Hyung about the promise, yeah? And tell him I said hi."

Donghyuck nods, "sure do. Bye, Hyung. See in monday."

"Hmm. Good night, Hyuck." 

"Good night, Makgeolli, hihi." Donghyuck waves with a cheeky smile.

  
  


Mark walks home with the same smile on his 'stupid' face, that seems like will stay for the rest of the night.

  
  


Donghyuck closes the door, and searches for his Hyung around the living room then heads to the kitchen. "Hyung?" He calls. "Where are you?" He hears steps coming from the hall of their bedrooms. 

"Donghyuck? You're home?" Doyoung came out of his room, rubbing his eyes. 

“Hi, Hyung!” Donghyuck cheerfully greets. 

“Seems like someone had a great day,” Doyoung says as walks in the kitchen. “Have you eaten? Do you want me to cook you something?” 

“Nah, I’m okay, Hyung.”

“Hm, okay.” Doyoung turns and leans on the mini breakfast counter. “How’s the reunion? How are they?”

“They’re all doing great! Can you believe Chenle and Jisung are taller than most of us now? Jisung might even be taller than you, Hyung. Wah, kids these days really grow so fast.”

Doyoung chuckles, “you’re still a kid, Donghyuck. You’re one of them. But if you said that in a year, Jisung and Chenle grew that tall, then you might have. . .not grow that much.” 

Donghyuck purses his lips in an angry pout, “yah! I grew a bit!”

Doyoung starts laughing as Donghyuck begins pouting and complaining and defending his statement in high heights. 

Doyoung’s laughter stopped when Donghyuck told him that he still looks like a bunny and that nothing changed. They start to run around as Doyoung holds a bag of carrots from the fridge, and Donghyuck shields himself using a pillow from the couch. 

That is how the night in their house went, some wholesome brotherly bickering with a side of throwing things at each other in the living room.

  
  


**\-------------------**

  
  


“Do you have someone in mind, Mark?” Jaehyun, a senior and the president of the music club, asks Mark for a suggestion. There is an upcoming festival in their school that the principal told every club president to prepare something to perform or a show relating to their clubs. 

Mark shifts in his seat, tapping on the table as he thinks. 

“Oh, how about Xiaojun?” Jungwoo raises his hand as he suggests. 

“Hm, can be. He has a very stable vocal and serenading voice. Okay, I will put him on the list of the possibles. Can you talk to him about it?”

Jungwoo nods and raises a thumbs up, “okeh.”

“Can we invite, like, people that are not studying here?” Renjun asks. 

“I think we can. We just have to talk to the principal and do some paper things for their school passes. Why, do you know someone that plays any instrument or sings?”

“My brother knows how to play the piano  _ and _ can definitely sing.”

“Okay, then. Can you talk to him about it?”

“I’ll try. He is kind of busy in his first weeks in college, but I don't think he’ll refuse since this is also what he’s studying.”

“Your brother is a music major?”

“Yeah.”

“Hyung,” Mark calls. “How about we open an audition? I mean, it’ll be better because we can recruit people for the performance  _ and  _ new members of the club.”

Everyone in the music room nods their heads, agreeing with Mark’s idea. Jaehyun grins, also like the idea.

By Monday, they posted some posters on the bulletin boards around the campus. 

“There. That’s the last one,” Mark says. “Thank you again for helping me, Renjun.” 

“No problem, Hyung.” Renjun beams a smile at him. “Do you think Donghyuck will come to the audition?” He suddenly asks as they start walking.

“Not sure. We haven’t had time to talk, though. He seems busy with classes and tasks. Jeno and Jaemin seem busy too. You’re the only one I see that doesn’t seem overwhelmed with the ‘freshman stress’.” 

Renjun lets out a confident chuckle. “Well, it’s because I know how to do time management and proper scheduling of what to do.”

“You sure do. You’re the only one, other than me, that does a calendar thingy.”

“Yup. The others probably take notes mentally, but by the next minute, the note went off the window.” They laughed at the joke because it’s accurate and true. Well, as if we can’t relate to that hahaha.

  
  


**\-------------------**

  
  


Mark is walking out of the library doors after doing his assignments and a few studying for the upcoming tests in two days when he hears something from the music room. It baffles him. 

As he stands by the door, reaching for the knob, he hears a voice that seems like someone’s singing or humming.

_ Did Jaehyun Hyung leave the music player on again? _

He shakes his head, then turns the knob. 

“Hyuck?”

“Mark Hyung? Hello,” Donghyuck greets. 

“What are you doing here?” Mark asks as he closes the door and steps toward Donghyuck, who is sitting by the piano. His eyes darted to Donghyuck’s hand on top of the keys. “Are you playing the piano? I didn’t know you play the piano.” 

“I used not to. Ma has a piano in the house. I can remember how she used to play it for us to sleep or whenever it’s their wedding anniversary.”

“Oh, is it also the same piece you were playing ago?”

“Ah, no. It’s a different one. Are you familiar with the film Corpse Bride? The film is about a bride murdered by her husband and came back to life.”

“That is a very interesting and dark story,” he responds. “But, yeah, I have heard about it, and I think I have only seen it once because I got terrified with the animations.”

Donghyuck chuckles, “the settings and theme of the story are dark, but it’s also meaningful. Unfortunately, only a few can see that.” His tone goes a bit. “But anyways, can you remember the piano part?”

“Oh, the Piano Duet?” Donghyuck nods. “Yeah, I still do. It’s the only thing I liked about that film.”

Donghyuck frowns, “that is mean to say, Hyung. You’re discrediting all the efforts in the story, production, and the other piano pieces in the soundtrack.”

“Well, you can’t blame me, some people will also agree with me, but it isn’t to discredit the other efforts they’ve put in it. It’s just that it’s the sole thing engraved in my memory of that film.”

“Hm,” Donghyuck hums. “Whatever. I want to practice that piece again, but I need a partner.” He turns his head to the right portion of the piano, making sure his face is not visible from the older’s vision. He hides his very rare bashful pink flush across his cheek as he waits for Mark to get the message.

Mark. . .is being Mark. 

“Why would you need a partner? Do you have to practice for a presentation? I can volunteer to be your partner for now if you don’t have anyone in mind.” 

_ Mark Hyung. . . *deep sighs*  _

Donghyuck nods, then sits up. “Yeah, if it’s okay with you. And if you still know how to play the piano.” He teases, referencing from the time they played the guitar after a long time. 

“Yeah,” Mark giggles then hits Donghyuck on the arm. “I still do know how to. It’s just that I have to warm up a bit.”

“Hm, ‘warm up’,” Donghyuck says in a mocking tone with air quotes. 

Mark giggles again, knowing he won’t be able to do anything to beat the younger’s tease and jokes. 

“How do we start?” He asks. “Who’s who?”

“Tsk, Hyung, obviously I’m the beautiful, resurrected-from-the-dead bride. You’re the skinny, a bit handsome groom. So, go to the right. I’m on the lower keys. You’re on the higher ones.”

They take their places on the small piano bench that fits two people but small for two adolescent boys. 

“On three?” Donghyuck says, his hands resting above the keys. 

Mark nods, “on three.”

“Three,”

The keys are pressed, and then a slow rhythm starts. Then another set follows, accompanying and complementing the first rhythm. The flow is slow then as the notes get higher, the speed also gets faster as they reach the rising point. Then it gradually slows down. Calm soothes the atmosphere. Then the bridge gave the calmness an emotional contrast then the speed went fast again. The keys and notes are racing along with each other until they reach one final note.

The piano piece is short and simple, yet meaningful and rich with authenticity and emotions if one lets the rhythm in them and visualizes its message. It is composed by Danny Elfman. The piece is considered as an ‘average’ work of his, but for some, it is a very sentimental song. It reflects how the chemistry of two people who are strangers to each other but feel a connection flows in between.

But what if it’s two people who have known each other their whole life and much more than anyone else?

Soft breathing fills the air and the rustling of the rough skins and dust on the piano.

A soft chuckle echoes in the small room.

"That's great for a first try. And I'm unrusty for the record," Mark comments and says with a proud, happy smile. He is waiting for a retort or comment from Donghyuck, but to his surprise, there is silence. “Hyuck?”

“Hyung, have you fallen in love?” Donghyuck suddenly asks, his fingers still placed on top of the keys and brushing them left and right repeatedly. “Not like the usual crush, but  _ actually falling _ in love. Have you?” He turns to Mark. 

Their eyes have met directly thousands of times, but there’s something different with the way their eyes meet. There’s undoubtedly ringing in the air, and a certain unknown tension. 

Mark is taken back and can't think of anything for a second. “Huh? Why do you ask?”

Donghyuck shrugs,” nothing really. Just curious if you’ve ever been. . .you know,  _ that _ .”

“Hm. . . Is there something you wanna tell me?”

Donghyuck’s hand stops, then he straightens his back as he inhales, then slouches, and looks back at the piano keys. “You know Emily, the corpse bride, knows that she’s dead and that she doesn’t have a heart that beats, she still falls in love with Victor. She still falls in love with him even though she knows that Victor doesn’t love her, let alone knows her. The fact that makes the whole situation sadder and grimmer is the fact that she knows she’s dead and he’s alive and loves another girl. They are living in two different worlds and having entirely different stories. But the moment they played the piano, there was something that shifted in him, like he felt  _ something.” _ Donghyuck presses a key. “He felt  _ something, _ ” then presses another. 

“Something. . .” another key.

“Something like. . .” another.

“It’s something I can’t. . .describe,” another.

“What do you think it is?” another.

“Something. . .” a long press.

“Something like this?” 

No one knows who leans in first and closes the gap, but whatever that is supposed to happen is interrupted by none other than the one who left his phone in the music room.

Mark and Donghyuck pull away and turn to the door. They feel panic and awkward as they still feel each other's presence and are that close. 

"Oh, hi," Jaehyun, also known as the who left his phone, greets. He steps inside, leaving the door ajar. "Sorry. I left my phone in the drawer." 

"Oh," the two reacted in unison, making them feel awkward. 

"What are you two doing? Are you practicing for something?" Jaehyun asks after he pulls out his phone from the drawer.

"Ah. . .yeah," Mark answers.

"I asked Mark Hyung to accompany me, since. . .” He pauses mid-sentence suddenly. “Since I need a partner to practice the piano piece.”

“Oh. . .'' Jaehyun feels that there’s  _ something _ that seems different between the two. Something like tension. He thinks that whatever it may be, he should let them talk about it, and he is in no position to put his nose on the situation. He clears his throat, then tucks his hands in his hoodie pockets. “Are you done? I can walk you guys out—or would you like some ice cream? I can treat you at the newly opened cafe.” He offers.

  
  


“I’ll be right back, okay?” Jaehyun says after placing the tray of three bowls of ice cream, one for each of them. Jaehyun heads to the pastries section of the cafe and takes his time looking at the different tasty and pretty cakes, cupcakes, macaroons, and many more. He is buying himself time to breathe. The words he can use to describe the tension are: awkward and a bit unresolved. 

It worries him because typically, Donghyuck would be talking about random things that cross his mind, never mind whether the first topic is closed or not. And most typically, he would’ve been annoying Mark, and Mark will either let him be or try to live through it until the younger gets tired (not that much different, right?).

He did a few peeking while crouching and taking small steps until he bumps into a person. He didn’t stumble down, but he immediately jumped up and apologized, a little bit too loud, then bows. A few people are startled by his jump and voice.

He hears a soft string of chuckles, making him astound. 

“I think you just scared everyone in the cafe,” the person jokes in a kind voice. A voice that makes Jaehyun more surprised because a person, normally, will be either pissed or startled or awkward. “Please stand up. People are staring.” a hand taps on his shoulder.

Jaehyun stands up and faces to face with the cafe worker, who, in Jaehyun’s opinion, has the softest and gentle smile he has ever seen. 

“Now  _ you’re  _ staring,” the cafe worker chuckles, also softly. “Is there something on my face?”

Jung Jaehyun,  _ the  _ Jung Jaehyun, known as the most friendly and always has a cool and collected mind, unconsciously blurted out the most random line in history. 

“You look like someone that can drive an airplane.” 

“What?”

“Ah. . . um. . .” Jaehyun collects himself before he says anything that can be marginally worse. “Never mind. Sorry!” Then he turned around but didn’t budge on his spot. But then he walked to the next aisle, the aisle of bread, and contained himself. 

_ What was that?! Arghhhh! Jung Yunho! _

The cafe owner, however, looks at how he scurries away and hides. He can’t help but chuckle. He shakes his head then continues filling the display rack with a new batch of freshly baked castella cake slices. 

  
  


While that was happening,  _ something  _ was also happening in the other corner of the cafe.

Nothing.

Nothing is happening. Nobody moved or touched a spoon or even removed the ice cream bowls off the tray. The ice creams are getting a bit melty now. They stared at somewhere, as long as it’s not on the other.

.

.

.

Still nothing.

“Oh, my gad, guys,” Jaehyun walks back to their table. He pulls the chair next to Donghyuck then plants his arms on the table and his head on above them. He deeply sighs. “Can the ground open up and swallow me?”

Donghyuck scoffs, “Hyung, trust me you’re not the only one.” That made Mark look at him. Mark didn’t expect to meet the same eyes and feel  _ something  _ again, but now with awkward unresolved tension.

Mark clenches his jaw as he taps his fingers on his table.  _ I do also want to be swallowed whole by the ground. _

He clears his throat. “Hyung, I will take out the ice creams, then we can leave _. And then _ , you may let the ground swallow you, then Hyuck will follow, then I’ll go last," he says in a monotone and a bit ‘try-to-joke-but-in-a-sarcastic-joking' tone. 

Donghyuck watches Mark push his chair and carries the tray with him to the counter. Mark felt the eyes watching him. 

Jaehyun slumps his head in Donghyuck’s shoulder. “Haechan, have you ever embarrassed yourself in front of a beautiful person?”

Donghyuck furrows his eyebrows with a thinking and a bit judging expression. “That is very specific. And since when did ever  _ the _ Jung Jaehyun, Jung Yunho, do something stupid to end up embarrassing himself in front of a ‘beautiful’ person?”

“Just now,” Jaehyun is pouting, and his voice is sulky. 

Donghyuck quirks his eyebrows, "who could be that 'beautiful' person?" 

"The cafe worker."

"Uhuh, which one?"

"The beautiful one."

Donghyuck has experienced many internal facepalm moments, but he never thought of having one caused by Jaehyun, out of all the people. 

  
  
  


The three went to the cafe, with Jaehyun hiding behind Mark and Donghyuck, making them cover him as they walked towards the entrance. The two can't help but sniffle their laughter. 

After they get off the cafe and have walked past a couple of blocks away, Jaehyun lets out a relieved sigh. He offers a taxi ride to the two to thank them, but they refuse since their residences are just a few more blocks down. Jaehyun's a bit far, so he gives his farewell to them before hailing a taxi.

Now, it is just them again. 

"Never knew that Jaehyun Hyung will be like that. ‘The cool collected’ Jaehyun being a blushing mess.” Mark says, then chuckles a bit. 

Donghyuck chuckles too, “yeah.”

Then silence. . .

  
  


“Bye, Hyung,” Donghyuck stands by the gate. “Thank you again for accompanying me.” He unlocks the padlock and opens the gate.

“No problem. Just tell me if you need to practice again, I’ll accompany you.” 

Donghyuck nods. “Okay.”

The awkwardness still lingers in the air. They’ve never felt shifty or clammy like this before. 

“Ah, I’ll go inside now.”

“Yeah—okay.”

Mark steps back but doesn't walk away. He doesn't know why. It’s either for some reason or no reason at all. In a minute, he takes a step back, then turns in the direction of his house.

Donghyuck takes all the time taking steps to the front door and the door of his room. He drops his backpack on his bed, and then he slumps his body beside it. He stares at the ceiling, thinking. 

_ Did Mark Hyung lean in, or is it me? Did he also feel something, or is it just my imagination?  _

_ And did Jaehun Hyung just get flustered and the opposite of collected? Who could be that beautiful person? _

He shuts his eyes and turns on his stomach, grabs his pillow buster, and buries his face on it. He tries to let the thoughts disappear and head into sleep. The ice cream slowly melts in its container in the plastic bag sitting on the floor. 

Unbeknownst to him, Doyoung is studying in the living room. 

“Hm, he didn’t notice me. Probably just tired.” He concludes as he shrugs and continues working on his assignments.

  
  


**\-------------------**

  
  


The day of the audition came and a line of students appeared by the auditorium. It’s a quarter to three when Mark arrived, together with Mina, a friend. 

“Oh, the audition has already started?" Mina curiously asks. as he looks at the lit-up stage and people sitting on the front row seats. "Seems like a lot of people came."

"The audition started ten minutes ago. And yeah, a lot did, which is surprising." Mark replies. “Lets—“

He is about to invite Mina to head down to where Jaehyun and the rest of the music club members are, which are at the front row seats when he halts and froze in his feet. It’s like something stuns him. Perhaps the familiar sweet, lovely honey-laced voice of the sun-kissed boy, standing on the stage, with the spotlight focused on him. 

Mesmerized or hypnotized, you choose because Mark seems to be in both states. He stands, mouth a little agape, body frozen, eyes glued on the boy under the spotlight, and ear tingling with the soothing sensation from the melodic voice. 

“Mark?” Mina calls, looking at Mark. She feels awkward as they both stand there, while Mark completely stares in the direction of the stage like nothing else exists. She tugs the sleeve of his uniform, trying to get his attention, but he didn’t budge. 

Mina pulls her hand away, looks at Mark one last time, then quietly stands next to him. She tries not to think too much about how Mark’s eyes sparkle and the corner of his lip subtable tugging upwards, forming a small gentle smile. 

_ They’re best friends. That’s Donghyuck, his best friend. It’s normal to look at someone like that, especially with a beautiful voice like that.  _

She tries to focus on listening instead of overthinking, but it’s hard when the person you secretly like is staring like that towards another person. It’s hard not to feel doubtful, but your chances or have a bit of pang in your chest. 

“His voice is really beautiful,” the first thing that Mark said after Donghyuck finished singing and everyone in the auditorium was clapping for him. 

“Yeah, he does,” Mina responds in a monotone. 

They went down towards the steps and approached the Music club. They exchange greetings then Mark and Mina take the two vacant seats next to Jungwoo. 

“Hey, Mark, you never told me that Donghyuck can sing,” Jaehyun says, which is followed by a chorus of agreement from the other members. 

“Well, you never asked, though,” Mark retorts back. 

“I told you, Hyung. Mark Hyung only keeps that side of Donghyuck to himself,” Renjun says, making everyone suspiciously look at Mark. Mark chuckles nervously. 

“It’s not that he likes to keep it for himself,” Jeno chimes, appearing from the side. They all turn to him. “It’s just that, Donghyuck feels more comfortable with him.” Mark feels tension on how Jeno looks at him, making him shift in his seat because of uncomfortableness. 

Trailing behind Jeno is a man a bit older than him, dressed in a soft brown cardigan over the white buttoned blouse, ironed khaki pants, all complementing his fluffy hazelnut hair. He stands next to Jeno, showing himself, and making one person stunned and frozen in shock on his seat.

“Kun Ge!” Renjun jumps happily then runs towards the man. Then man opens his arms to welcome Renjun. 

“Hi Renjun,” Kun greets back before they step back from the hug. “Sorry, I’m late. I got lost on the way,” he chuckles, then points to Jeno, “good thing your friend guided me here.”

Jeno gives Kun a kind smile. “It’s okay, Hyung.”

“Ge, I’ll introduce you to Jaehyun Hyung. He’s the president of our club,” Renjuns says as he grabs Kun’s hand and pulls him in the direction of Jaehyun.

Jaehyun, on the other hand, is in a cold sweat. He recognizes that gentle smile, those soft eyes, and the kind voice. He knows he has seen and met this man before, and obviously in the most embarrassing way. 

“Hyung, this is my brother, Kun,” Renjun introduces with a bright smile. “Ge, this is our president and the kindest and most handsome senior on the campus, Jaehyun.”

Kun smiles widely as he offers a hand, “nice to finally meet you, Jaehyun.”

“N--nice to--to meet you too,” Jaehyun stutters and his hand is shaking a bit as he shakes Kun’s hand. 

After the awkward handshaking, a bashful Donghyuck arrives.

"That's so embarrassing."

“You did great. What are you talking about?” Jeno immediately says, with his iconic eye smile. 

“Nah, I think I made a lot of mistakes here, honestly. I think my voice cracked.” He jokes a little.

“Jeno is telling the truth,” Renjun confirms. “You did great.” 

“You think so?” 

Renjuns nods. “You can even ask Mark Hyung if you don’t believe in us.”

Donghyuck turns to Mark. The awkward tension suddenly came back. 

“Ah, um. . .” Donghyuck clears his throat then turns to Jaehyun. “Jaehyun Hyung, how did I do? Is it okay?”

Jaehyun nods and has a reassuring smile. “You did great, Donghyuck. Good job.” He sent him two thumbs up. Donghyuck smiles, feeling a bit reassured, but he feels lacking. He brushes it off when Jaehyun stands up and claps his hand to make everyone in the auditorium focus on him. 

“All right, everyone. We’ll close and end the audition now. We will post the results by Monday. You all did a very good job congratulations,” he claps his hands in a congratulatory manner. Everyone followed suit. “Thank you for your participation, and see you soon.” He bows to them. A chorus of ‘thank yous’ and ‘good job’ came from all the students that auditioned. 

Jaehun turns to the members with his hand on his hips. “That’s it, guys. We’ll just deliberate and have a voting tomorrow on who will be the ones that will be picked. Sounds good?”

They all nod at him. 

“Haechan!” A boy with a bright, toothy grin skips on his steps towards them. 

“Yangyang,” Donghyuck smiles. 

“I watched you sing. You didn’t tell me that you have a beautiful voice.”

Donghyuck blushed suddenly, which surprised Renjun and Jeno. 

“Wah, is  _ the _ Lee Donghyuck blushing,” Renjun teases with an ‘I can’t believe this’ expression. 

Donghyuck immediately bows his head and covers his face. “Yah! Renjun, what are you talking about? What blush?”

Renjun and Jeno start to laugh. 

“He is blushing!” Renjun points at Donghyuck, who is turning red. “Hahahahahahahahahahaha,”

Donghyuck goes to Kun and requests to make Renjun and Jeno stop teasing him. 

Kun lightly chuckles, “okay, that’s enough. You two had your laugh.”

Renjun and Jeno comply as they stop laughing and wipe some tears in the corner of their eyes. 

“Thank you, Kun Hyung,” Donghyuck softly says, which he receives a gentle brush on his head. 

“Oh, would guys like to visit the cafe my brother works at? He bakes great cakes and bread, and they have the best ice creams.” Renjun says. 

“Kun Hyung works at a cafe?” Donghyuck beams, then he suddenly had a moment of reconciliation. “Hyung, does the cafe happen to be the newly opened one in front of the school?”

“Yeah. Why?”

Donghyuck glances at Jaehyun, which might seem nothing, but it glints mischievousness. “Hyung, do you happen to encounter a customer that embarrassed himself in front of you?” And that’s when Jaehyun wishes to be swallowed by the ground again. 

“Hm,” Kun places his hand on his chin and thinks if he has. He glances at Jaehyun, which made him grin a little as he sees the latter covering his face with the pile of profiles and acting very badly like he is not listening. “Yeah, I think. I don’t know, and I’m not sure. But I think it’s more on I'm the one who embarrassed myself in front of a customer.” He chuckles. 

“Oh. . .” Donghyuck nods and purses his lips. “Okay. You guys can go ahead. I still have to practice piano with Yangyang for a class presentation.”

Renjun just placed a grin instead of teasing the other more. He nods at Donghyuck. “If you say so. Good luck and hwaiting!” He raises a fist in the air. 

Everyone starts to gather their belongings and walk towards the steps, except one. 

Mina picked up her bag and was on her trail to follow the others when she felt that she had to turn around, which she might’ve also regretted. 

“Mark?” She calls the latter. “Aren’t you coming with us?”

“Ah, I’ll be right next.” He simply replies while still staring at a certain person, who is giggling while grabbing his bag that was handed to him by the other guy.

Mina knows there’s something in the way Mark is acting, even before they entered the auditorium a while ago. She lets it slide, believing that she might just be overthinking. “Okay,” she replies, tone a bit sad. She turns on her heels and catches Renjun and Jeno. 

Mark gulped hardly the nervous feeling (only nervous??) before taking a step towards Donghyuck and Yangyang. 

“Hyuck,” Donghyuck turns to him, Yangyang too. “You’re going to practice piano?”

Donghyuck nods, “yeah. The presentation is tomorrow, so I kinda want to practice one last time to flourish some parts.”

“Oh. . . Do you. . .do you still need me to accompany you?” Mark asks with evident optimism. 

Donghyuck’s eyes shift everywhere, feeling anxious. “Ah, no, it’s okay. I have Yangyang as my partner, and he will be the one I will perform with in class.”

“Oh. . .okay. Good luck with your presentation.” He smiles weakly. 

“Thank you, Hyung.” Donghyuck politely says before bowing. 

“Thank you too, Hyung,” Yangyang smiles again brightly then bows. 

Mark nods at the both of them before taking a step back. His steps are slow and hesitant, and his eyes are still glued on the two figures walking up the steps. He doesn't know, but there is something that he can't peel his eyes off of, even when he’s taking careful steps up.

He doesn’t also know why, but there’s a burning feeling in his chest. 

  
  


“Who’s that guy? The guy Hyuck is with?” Mark asks as he stares at the small bowl of ice cream in front of him. 

“Hm? You mean Yangyang?” Renjun asks while taking a bite of cake. Mark nods. “Ah, his name is Liu Yangyang. He’s from Germany, he got accepted into an exchange student program in our school. He’s very nice and fun to hang out with. He’s also very cool at gaming and playing instruments.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yahhh,” Renjun tilts his head on the side then squints his eyes. “Hyung, are you jealous?”

Mark’s eyes go wide, and frantically, turn his head to Renjun. “Why would I be jealous? Hyuck is friendly. He easily makes friends with anyone. Who am I to limit him?” 

Renjun purses his lips.  _ I didn't even say any of that _ , he said in his mind _. _ “Hmm, if you say so, but let me tell you this,” he leans his right arm on the table and points at Mark. “You’re really bad at pretending.”

Mark furrows his brows, confused. “What?”

“You think that you’re not obvious, Hyung—the both of you are not obvious? Do you think that no one else sees and feels the sudden awkward atmosphere between you two? And do you think I can’t tell?” He places a hand on his chest, "I'm the best love adviser among us."

There’s a scoff from the other side of the table. 

“Love adviser? You? Since when?” Jaemin asks while eating a carrot cake. “Have you ever even had a crush?”

Renjun has a slight blush. “Yeah, I have.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Jaemin shakes his head. “Sure.” He shrugs then continues eating his cake.

Renjun scoffs, then turns to Mark again. “Anyways, like what I was saying. You two are not subtle. Your happiness towards each other is too obvious. Also, your jealousy is very obvious, especially when the denial train boards the station.”

  
  


Mark never stopped playing everything that Renjun just said again in his head. Are they that obvious, or is Renjun just overreacting? He and Donghyuck have been best friends ever since they were young, or perhaps it’s just comfort towards each other. It’s normal, right?

He also thought about jealousy. Is he jealous? He’s not. Why would I be jealous, is there a reason to be jealous? Oh, how about the idea of Donghyuck playing the piano together with someone else? 

You tell him.

  
  


_ Hyuck’s friendly, of course, they will be friends and get along. But why does it bother me? _

  
  


Wanna make a bet how long will Mark tell that to himself?

  
  


**\-------------------**

  
  


The bet lasted for two weeks. Starting from the Monday of the announcement of the list of students that got in the audition and will be a part of the music club’s performance and until to the Tuesday afternoon of assigning of roles and splitting parts. They are all in the music room, seated on chairs in different corners. 

“So, um, I would like to ask you all if you would like the idea of performing in two groups and a trio then in pairs. It’s because the stage will be too crowded if all of us will be on it and also the instruments occupy space. I’m afraid that we might have difficulties and discomfort in the rehearsals and on the day of the performance. So, what do you guys say?” Jaehyun asks, standing in front of all the members and new additions. 

They all agreed with Jaehyun’s proposition and idea. 

The assignment starts when Jaehyun asks them who would like to be in groups or pairs. Most would like to be in units of five and four. Jaehyun readies his Pompompurin notebook that made Kun say: “That’s a very cute notebook. Didn’t expect you to own one.”

“Why? Doesn’t fit my style?” Jaehyun looks up, meeting Kun’s eyes with a small smirk on the corner of his lips. 

Kun shakes his head. “The binder journals kinda suits you more, but who says a handsome guy can’t own a cute notebook.” He displays a genuine smile and shows unprovekeness. 

Jaehyun is once again flustered, and his ears turning a bit red. He stirred while saying thanks, making the other chuckle a little. 

Mina raises her hand. “Jaehyun Hyung, I have a question?” 

“What is it, Mina?”

“I would like to perform with Mark in a duo.”

Mark turned to her from his seat, “huh?”

Mina turns to him. “Yeah. You promised, remember? You said you’ll play the guitar, and I’ll sing.”

Mark’s eyes flicker between her and to his friends, that are looking between them. The eyes that make his quiver are the eyes of the person across him. 

“Mark,” Jaehyun calls. “What’s your decision?”

Mark knows he can perform either of those, but if he will do a duo, he would rather perform with--

“I’ll do a duo with Hyuck.” He answers abruptly. 

Jaehyun is surprised at Mark's seriousness. He lifts a brow, “are you sure?”

Mark looks in the direction of the aforementioned. He swallows thickly when their eyes meet.  _ Is he sure? _ He strains his eyes to meet Jaehyun before nodding. “Yes. I’m sure. I mean--If it’s okay with him.” He blushes and feels he’s too demanding. 

“Oh,” Jaehyun turned to Donghyuck. “What do you say, Hyuck? Are you okay to perform in a duo with Mark?”

Donghyuck bites his lower lip, thinking. He nods, “I’m okay to perform with Mark Hyung.”

“Okay, then. Mina, I would like to ask you if you would--”

“I’ll do it solo.” She says with a bite in her tone. She’s between angry and fighting the urge to cry. 

Jaehyun sees that, making him worry and anxious. “Um. . .okay.” He clears his throat. “Okay, so I listed everyone here in their chosen groupmates and way of performance. Is everyone okay with their groups and roles?”

A chorus of yes answers him. 

“Alright, then we have three weeks to think about what each of us will perform and practice, but inside of that three weeks, we will lend three days of rehearsals of how the whole flow will be. Am I clear?”

Another chorus of yes and a few thumbs up responds to him. 

“Okay, then. I will let you talk about the song choice and your plans. If you have any questions or would like to ask for some recommendations, just ask me. Thank you, and the meeting was dismissed.”

With that being said, everyone fixed their seats, started packing their things and talking while walking out of the door. Mark can feel a certain stare burning at the back of his head. He feels a bit guilty, but what can he do? Should he force himself to perform with another person if the only one he loves playing his guitar with is right in front of him.

  
  


//the next day at the library//

“Do you like him?” Mina asked unexpectedly. She’s sitting across the table from Mark. They’re in the library, studying for a test. 

Mark flicked his eyes up, meeting her’s, filled with tension and anticipation. He feels anxious suddenly. “Huh? What do you mean?”

“Mark, you can be honest with me. Do you like Donghyuck?”

The others fall silent. Not knowing what exactly to say. But why?

“Why are you not answering? Is it true?”

“Mina—I... I don’t know. . .” Mark sighs heavily, feeling conflicted. 

“Mark, you know I like you, right?” Mina’s eyes soften, and shoulders go down. When she receives silence and no reaction from the latter, she takes a deep breath. “I didn’t protest when you did that, but did you even consider my feelings? Did you even think how embarrassed I felt? It’s okay, and I understand if you will choose your best friend, but he seems so special to be  _ just  _ your best friend.”

“What are you talking about?” 

“You like Donghyuck, don’t you? You don’t see him as just your best friend, Mark. I don’t have to wear glasses to see, tsk,” she crosses her arms on her chest and leans back to her chair. “Let alone, anyone to need one to  _ see _ my point.” 

Mark swallows thickly. “Am I that obvious?” He asks innocently, also not sure, and needs confirmation on the same question that has been running in his mind for days.

Mina unwraps her arms, and her expression softens. She’s mad for what Mark did and feels her heart is about to break once she gets confirmation in everything. Despite all of those, she chooses to be the good friend she is before falling for the other. 

“Mark,” she softly starts, “you like him, and he likes you too.” 

“How can you tell? Aren’t best friends normally too fond of each other?”

“Best friends  _ are _ normally fond, but you and Donghyuck are different. You don’t just fond over each other, you treasure each other. You treat him like he’s the most special person, and you have that look in your eyes whenever he’s near you like he’s the only person in the room. You also smile in a way you never smiled at me nor at anyone; the kind of smile that one only reserves for someone very special to them.

Mark is a bit conflicted on whether to believe those observations or shugs them off. 

“Mark, if you’re being conflicted with your emotions because Donghyuck is a boy. He’s still the person you like,” Mina says, receiving an expression from Mark, which confirms her anecdote. 

He squirms in his seat, feeling anxious and nervous. “Do you think that’s wrong? That me liking a boy is wrong.”

Mina sighs. “To be honest, I don’t find that idea wrong or bad. For me, it’s okay. It’s still about liking a person, what about it. The only thing I think that scares me is how painful will it be if I will end up liking a guy that likes a guy. I’m a girl. I can accept and understand if I have a girl adversary, but a guy? But here we are now, huh,” Her tone slowly diminishes, then a sad smile purses her lips. 

Mark feels guilty and bad for hurting Mina. She's a kind person, a great friend, and a project partner. She’s also smart and has a creative mind. She’s also very pretty. He didn’t intend to hurt her in any way, especially the thought of breaking her heart.

“Mina, I’m so sorry,” he softly says. He reaches his hand on the middle of the table, waiting for Mina to accept it. 

Mina looks at it for a few seconds before accepting it. Mark squeezes her hand as a form of comfort and earnestness. 

“It’s okay, Mark. Donghyuck is very lucky to have you. Promise me you will never hurt him?” 

Mark nods and squeezes her hand again. “I promise. Thank you,” he gives her a genuine smile, which he receives back from her, but she has a bit of bittersweetness. 

  
  


**\-------------------**

  
  


It’s a Saturday when Donghyuck went to Mark’s house since it’s the place they agreed to do their practices. Taeyong greets Donghyuck before leaving to go to the university. 

While they were thinking of what song to perform, Donghyuck asked Mark out of nowhere. “Hyung, why did you choose me instead of her?” Donghyuck looks up from his phone. 

Mark meets his eyes. In those moments, he knows he really feels something through those eyes, and now he thinks he figured what that  _ something _ is. He shifts to his right to face Donghyuck properly. “Do you know that I smile and look at you like you’re the only person that exists?”

Donghyuck blinks, a bit baffled by the sudden question. “What? No, you don’t look at me like that. That kind of look only exists in stories, Hyung. You might’ve probably been reading too much.”

“What if I tell you two people have already told me that to me?”

The younger one stares curiously at him. Donghyuck can’t help but feel the tension rising again. “Hyung, just answer my question. Why did you choose me?”

“Because why would I pick someone else to play the guitar to and sing with if you’re already right in front of me. I might also add the fact that I like you.”

Donghyuck’s eyes went wide with shock, and a gasp went out of his mouth. “What? You like me?”

“I like you, Hyuck. It might be something new to me, but for some reasons, I know I’m sure.” Mark answers seriously.

“But. . .you don’t even like boys. . .” 

Mark scoots closer. “I don’t think I have to have to like other boys to clarify if I  _ do _ like you. I think the only thing that clarifies everything for me is the some _ thing  _ I felt when we’re playing the Piano Duet.”

“Do you even know what that  _ something _ is?” Donghyuck’s eyes flutter to the latter’s lips for a second. 

The latter caught that and did the same, only he stayed like that. “I believe that something is this--” 

They both leaned in and closed the relevantly marginal space between them. Letting their lips softly touch and enjoy the warm sensation from their lips to their chests. 

They pull away but keep their foreheads in touch. Soft gasps filled the room before a giggle came from the younger. 

“Wow, that  _ is _ something,” Donghyuck has a loving smile on him. 

Mark echoes his giggles before placing a hand on Donghyuck’s cheek and caresses the soft skin with his thumb. “I like you, Hyuck. I will not hesitate to choose you every time, every day for the rest of my life.”

“I like you too, Mark. I will also not hesitate to choose you every day for the rest of my life.”

This is the moment they understand why there's something that lingers in their eyes whenever they meet. It’s not just fondness. It’s more than that. 

Dinghyuck chuckles then softly pushes him away. “Hyung, we still have to pick a song and start practicing, or else Jaehyun Hyung might get angry at us.”

Mark grins, “I don’t think he will, though. He’s chill.”

“Hm. so what song do you think we should play?” Donghyuck scrolls at his music lists.

“How about that one Shawn Mendes song you kept listening to since last week?”

Donghyuck beams, “you mean If I can’t Have You?” Mark nods. “Okay, let’s try the chords first.” 

Mark picks up his guitar from his side. “Okeh!”

They tried the song and some other songs, but they ended up with the one they first sang when they were still young. Surprisingly, Mark still remembers every chord, and Donghyuck still remembers every word.

  
  


**\-------------------**

  
  


It’s the day of the festival. Students, teachers, and school staff are all enjoying their time exploring food stalls and stationery and clothing shops, put up in tents. The whole school grounds are very festive and full of colors. By quarter to five in the afternoon, the area illuminates with fairy lights and the big spotlights on the stage. 

It’s the night of the performance. All of the clubs are backstage, preparing for themselves and giving each other encouraging pep talks. 

There are friends and families with the crowd together, and other students and teachers who are all fully supportive and anticipating all the performances.

Half an hour passed before the music club was called to perform. The two groups went first. The group of girls (Winter, Karina, Gizelle, and Ningning) performed before the boys ( Jaemin, Jeno, Yangyang, and Renjun). The girls performed a charismatic and show starter self-choreographed dance. The boys did a rock band performance with Donghyuck, as one of the vocalists with Renjun.

The next is the trio, which is Kun, Xioajun, and Jungwoo. They perform a ballad song, which is accompanied by Kun playing a keyboard. They chose to sing a Chinese song that Jungwoo got excited about because he has been studying mandarin since summer. Their performance serenaded the whole crowd, making them feel soft and at ease even though they might not understand the lyrics, but it’s the feeling and vibe that counts. 

Mina performed next. She sang a pop, R&B song, which delighted the crowd. The lights turned in different colors making everywhere as colorful as her voice and the song. After she gave her thanks to the crowd, she went down the steps backstage. 

“Good luck, you two.” She sweetly says with a smile to Mark and Donghyuck, who will perform next. She raises her fists to cheer them. “Hwaiting!”

They did the same and responded in unison. “Hwaiting!” They exchanged smiles before the duo stepped on the stage. 

The crowd cheers as Mark and Donghyuck stand in front of the mics and readies themselves. Mark whispers the countdown before he starts to strum the strings. Donghyuck holds the mic, waiting for the beat. 

Then he sings. 

_ This moment feels like I was born as a child who knew nothing. _

_ I closed my eyes again in case it would be a dream. _

_ You were standing in front of my desperate self and praying. _

_ Just once, I want to walk side by side with you _

He closes his eyes. It’s Mark’s turn.

Taken by the soft wind to your world

You asked me brightly where I came from to your side

And I told you that It was a secret

Wherever we walk together

Will be paradise

It’s Donghyuck again. 

You are an eye-blinding entity compared to Michael

Who would remember you, I will not forgive it

Like the beginning when stepping into Eden

Believing you every day from the bottom of my heart

Mark again. He turns to Donghyuck, meeting the other’s gaze. He softly and sincerely sings the lines

I alway want to protect you

So that even the small things won’t tire you out, I’m eternally in love

A glint of spark came in their eyes and quick tugs on the corner of their lips as faint blushes form on their cheeks. They sing together, along with the crowd, as they all wave their hands and arms with the song. 

As your guardian, I will block the stiff wind

Even though people turn their backs to you

If I could become the person

Who can wipe your tears on a tiring day

It will be paradise

I, who has fallen in love with no other place to

Go back, my wings have been taken away (oh no)

Even though I lost my everlasting life, the reason to my happiness

You are my eternity Eternally Love

Mark did a few more instrumental strumming before ending their performance. The whole crowd cheered and clapped at them. Some even shouted and whistled with joy. The two felt a rush of warmth in their chest, feeling relief and pride for a successful performance. 

As soon as they walked down backstage, they were hugged and congratulated by everyone. They are all proud of the two and complemented Mark with his guitar and Donghyuck with his voice. The one sole compliment that made them both blush to the fullest is the compliment from Mina. 

“You two are perfect for each other,” she says genuinely with a very proud smile after hugging the two. 

They thanked her with gratitude. Then within a minute, Taeyong and Doyoung, together with Chenle and Jisung, entered the place and grouped and hugged them. Taeyong and Doyung are very proud of their brothers. Chenle and Jisung congratulated them and also fanboyed everyone. Chenle and Jisung kept asking Jeno and Jaemin about the electric guitar and drums.

“You should’ve performed with us,” Kun says as he nudged Jaehyun. 

“If I joined you, then who would do the sound and lights?” 

Kun turns to him and has a stern look. “I can operate a plane, Jaehyun. What makes you think I can't operate some sound and lights?”

Jaehyun’s eyes go wide in surprise, “you really can operate a plane?”

Kun nods. Renjun appeared by Jaehyun’s side. “Told you, my Ge can do anything.”

  
  


They all went out backstage and then to the seats Doyoung and Taeyong reserved for all of them. They all watched the remaining other performances and the thank you speech from the principal. Some of the members bid farewell and joined their families and friends.

Doyoung and Taeyong played rock, paper, scissors on who will treat them all. Well, you know who won, Taeyong. Doyoung sobs, and so does his wallet. Kun offered that he’ll pay for the drinks, which Doyoung ends up hugging him tightly. They head to the famous restaurant they always go to that is owned by one of Doyoung and Donghyuck’s closest Hyung—the one and only Moon Taeil.

The younger ones start to get together while looking through the menu, while there are two who have a matching frown and arms crossed on their chests. Chenle turns to them after telling Kun what his order is. He makes a judging expression. He nudges Jisung, "hey, can feel some jelly over there?"

"There's also jelly here ?" Jisung beams in interest, clearly thinking about the actual jelly and not the other kind of jelly. 

Chenle nodded his head towards the direction of the two. Jisung follows, then his mouth forms an ‘o’. “Oh, that kind of  _ jelly _ . But why?” 

With that being said they turn in the same direction, at the same time. The direction where Doyoung and Kun happily chuckled with their conversation after talking to Taeil regarding the orders. Then the two turn back to the other pair, and then they look at each other with mutual grins and slow nods. 

Taeil is the one who served their orders. Together with his long-term business partner and co-owner of the restaurant, the papa bear as what Donghyuck calls him, Johnny. “Enjoy the dishes. Taeil made them all special for a great job.” He says.

“Sorry, we didn’t get to watch your performance. We have to fix some documents for the building of the second branch of the restaurant.” Taeil smoothly announces. Everyone clapped and congratulated them. 

“That's good to hear Hyung. We’re all happy for you,” Doyoung says with a big smile.

“Thank you. And because of that, it’ll be my treat. Everything’s in the house tonight, so order anything you want.” The younger ones cheered, making Taeil laugh softly, seeing the kids very happy. Doyoung and Kun (also their wallets) sigh in relief. 

They all started to eat happily the most deliciously beautiful dishes in front of them. It’s all happy eating and a fun time. There's a pair at the farthest who are in their world, giggle while sitting too close, very close, to each other. Doyoung notices the change in the atmosphere between the two, and so does Taeyong. They shared a mutual look, and a grin tugs up on the corner of their lips. 

  
  


**\-------------------**

  
  


Mark and Donghyuck kept sneaking glances and subtle brushes of the hands and bumping of the shoulders, which is not left unnoticed by their friends, brothers, and other people. They tried their best to keep it down low, but oh neo, they’re really bad at it. One day, when it was a week before February 14, the day of hearts, Mark and Donghyuck talked about telling their brothers and friends. Renjun took the initiative to ask the question at the most suitable time. A Saturday movie night in Donghyuck’s house featuring the whole music club and the Hyungs.

“Are you two a thing?” He asked completely unbothered by the shifty glances of Jeno and Jaemin and shock expressions of the others. Taeyong quietly chokes on the sweet potato snack he’s munching. Jaehyun rubs his back, concerned. Doyoung is unsurprised but is amused by Renjun's unbothered. The others are either surprised or anticipating for the tea to spill like Jungwoo, Chenle, and Xiaojun.

Donghyuck and Mark, who are the couple's couch (ehem), are frozen. They look at each other and read each other's mind, then nodding in a mutual understanding.

Donghyuck nudges Mark, a sign that says he's letting Mark make the announcement. Mark nudges him back and shakes his head, talking Donghyuck to be the one to talk. So, technically they played a game of nudging on who will be the one to answer. 

Renjun sighs, clearly down with the two's unchanged dynamic. "Congratulations," he says with a genuine smile and clapping. "For being the most annoying recently-became-couple couple." He adds, making everyone laugh in agreement.

The two are flustered but displayed shy smiles. "Thank you," Mark softly says. 

"I hope nothing will change in the way you all see us and in our friendship," Donghyuck says. 

Kun softens to that, noticing the boy's anxiousness and dread. "Nothing will change, Donghyuckssi. You and Mark will still be the Donghyuck and Mark we always know." He reassures, receiving a relieved smile from the younger.

"Kun Hyung is right," Jaehyun adds as he enters the sofa area. "It's just that you will not be just annoying and chaotic as you always have been. You will also probably be one of the cringey couples out there that don't spare the single ones like me." He jokes, earning everyone's laugh and the two's happy grins. 

The movie night continues. All of them huddled in their blanket piles on the carpet and their own space on the sofa and coaches. In the middle of the third film, Kun's eyelids slowly flutter close, and his head is craning his neck down as he drifts sleepily. 

Jaehyun notices him and is about to reach for him and place his head on his shoulder, but he's a second late. Doyoung reaches for Kun and adjusts his shoulder to make sure that Kun is comfortable on his shoulder. Kun  _ is _ comfortable and sleeps soundly on Doyoung as he scoots close to him. There's a small soft smile on Doyoung's lips as he focuses on the latter on his shoulder than on the film. Jaehyun can't help but feel a pinch of pain in his chest and heaviness in his eyes. 

He is startled out of that trance as something bumps on his shoulder, then hears breathing. He figures that it's someone that also has fallen asleep. Jaehyun carefully maneuvers not to stir the person awake. To his surprise, it's Taeyong, deep in sleep. Jaehyun has a fond grin as he thinks that his Hyung looks so adorable in that state. He places Taeyong's head on his shoulder and leans back to make it comfortable for the both of them.

The whole night went by as one by one fell asleep, completely forgetting about the still playing film on the tv.

  
  


//The morning after//

Most of them are still asleep, but Doyoung and Taeyong, together with Jaehyun and Kun, are awake and preparing breakfast. 

The four of them turn around in the same direction of a sniffled yawn. Donghyuck wakes up and does some stretching before sleep-blindingly walks towards the kitchen. Followed after him is none other than Mark because this is some random flow of thought of some preplanned story. 

"Good morning, Donghyuck," Doyoung greets as he places chops on the carrots. 

"Good morning, Mark," Taeyong greets while taking a sip from his cup of coffee. 

"Good morning Hyung." The two greet in unison as they rub their eyes awake. 

"How's your sleep? Is the couch comfortable?" Kun asks from the stove, stirring the soup he's cooking. 

"Yeah, it is. Mark Hyung makes a great pillow and teddy bear," Donghyuck responds. He immediately snuggles on Mark as soon as they take a seat at the table. Mark can't help but not flash a low giggle as he lets the younger tightly cuddle his arm.

The Hyungs can't help but feel smitten on the scene in front of them. 

Doyoung hands the carrots to Kun, then walks to the seat opposite the two boys. He clears his throat. "Can I ask you a question?"

The two perks up to him. “What is it, Hyung?” Donghyuck asks.

“I meant to ask Mark,” He clears. 

“oh, then yeah, you can, Hyung," Mark says. 

Doyoung has a very serious face that makes Mark feel a cold sweat at the back of his neck. He clasps his hands and places them in front of him, adding on the nervousness that Mark is feeling. “Do you like my brother?”

Mark knows he'll stutter, but with a slightly shaking voice, he answers in a confident expression as he nods and sits up. “I really do like Donghyuck. I really do.”

“Yeah, but will you love him? You've hurt him before, can you make sure you won't do it again?”

Mark takes a moment, and then he turns to the boy that is cutely cuddling his arm and softly breathing as he sleeps on his shoulder. A smile forms on Mark’s smile, and a rush of warmth in his chest. 

“Mark?”

“Yes, Hyung,” he confidently answers. “Yes, I will love him, and I will never hurt him. I will never hurt again.” He looks up and sees not just Doyoung’s stare but also Taeyong, Jaehyun, and Kun’s. “I promise that.” All of the Hyungs smile in relief and proudly look at how genuine and sincere Mark’s answer. 

“As you should,” a voice came from the entrance of the kitchen that startled them in surprise. It’s from Jeno, and behind him are Jaemin and Renjun, who have sleepy, but serious eyes and arms crossed on their chests. 

“If we see a tear or hear a sniffle from Donghyuck,” Jaemin says. “Because he’s sad because of you or something you did, I swear we will bury every single watermelon here in Korea back to the ground.” Mark gets chills in the thought. 

“That’s harsh,” Mark says under his breath.

“Don’t worry, Hyung, as if we can ever do that. We don’t even know how to plant, and we all collectively hate it because it’s messy and too much work. You know how lazy we are.” 

Renjun says factually, making Kun chuckles and shakes his head as he does know and agrees with what his brother said. 

“So everything is settled then,” Doyoung announces with a smile. “Please take care of my brother. I know he likes to tease, nag, and a bit of a rascal most of the time, but he’s just like that. That's how he shows his affection, and it’s his biggest charm.”

“I totally Agree to that,” Mark responds with a chuckle. 

“Thank you, Mark.”

“Of course, Doyoung Hyung.” the two share a smile. 

Mark feels a hand petting his hair. It’s his brother. “I’m proud of you. Keep your words and promise Mark. Donghyuck is a precious person. Don't worry, eomma and appa will surely approve.” Then raises an enthusiastic thumb.

Mark lets out an embarrassed slash-flustered laugh with the thought of their parent’s approval.

The two brothers are sharing a tender moment that is interrupted by giggles, coming from none other than the one who is cuddling his arm. 

“You’re all so dramatic and sentimental early in the morning,” he says with a cheeky grin. Doyoung smirks as he shakes his head at how much of a classic line is that from Donghyuck. He knows that his brother might tease or make fun of them for saying those things, but he also feels emotionally and warmly to hear those. Donghyuck just prefers to cover that with those annoying jokes and high-pitch laughs. 

Donghyuck raises his head from Mark’s shoulder, meeting the other’s eyes, making them both feel that electricity that goes through their chest and their nerves. The corner of lips tugs upward. “Do you really promise that, Hyung? You will love me, and you will never hurt me again?”

Mark sweetly smiles and nods, “I do. I promise.”

Donghyuck hums before placing a hand to play with the hairs on Mark’s neck. “I promise that I will love you too, Hyung. I promise I won’t hurt you either.” Without second thoughts or hesitations, he pulls Mark as he leans forward to meet his lips for a short peck. 

Mark is a bit surprised by the sudden and boldness, but he let himself melt into the soft sensation that lingered on his lips. Taeyong’s eyes went wide, and he stepped back away, going back to his previous spot, which is next to Jaehyun by the kitchen counter. The three at the entrance have their mouths open in complete shock to see the two  _ actually  _ kiss in front of them  _ and  _ the Hyungs.

  
  


“Oh-kay, that's enough for you two,” Doyoung says loudly in a panicked voice. He reached from his side of the table their foreheads and pushed their heads away from each other. He feels a bit guilty for cutting the intimate moment, but this the kitchen, and there are many people. “It’s still early in the morning, and we're all very single to stand your sweetness.”

Laughter erupted in the kitchen because of the retort, because it’s half true.

  
  


**\-------------------**

  
  


“You know, I just realized I haven’t asked you to be my boyfriend.” Mark suddenly says as he shifts his head to get an angel to look at the boy lying beside him and his arm a pillow. They're at the fields by Jaemin's house. The five are playing by the grass, leaving the two in their world under the shade of a tree. 

Donghyuck snickers. “You just really realized that now? We’ve been technically  _ a thing _ for a year now.”

“Yeah, I know. It didn’t occur to me, because ya know, we confessed, and we kissed after that, but I didn’t think about asking that question. Have you?”

“Hm, yeah, maybe once, but--” Donghyuck pushes himself up with his elbow to turn to his side and face Mark. “Do you think either of us had to ask the question?”

Mark thinks for a second, or rather to stare at the lips of the other, before nodding. “Yeah, I guess. To make it official.”

Donghyuck giggles, making Mark’s lips perk up in an endearing smile. “To make it official? Then, go ahead and ask the question, Lee. Make me officially yours.”

Mark pushes himself then shifts his body to his right side to be face to face with the boy that has pure anticipation in his eyes. “Can I be your boyfriend Lee Donghyuck?” His eye shafts to the boy’s eyes and lips.

“Are you sure you want to be my boyfriend?”

“If you allow me to,” Mark slowly inches forward.

“If you’re planning to kiss me, then kiss me. You already know my answer anyway.”

Mark chuckles. “So, does that mean that you’re allowing me to be your boyfriend?”

Donghyuck smiles giddy, then nods. “I am officially allowing you to be my official boyfriend.”

“So we’re officially a thing now?”

“What else can we be?” Donghyuck asks.

“The couple that can’t keep their sweetness in a minimal level,” Renjuns answers as he stands in front of them. “Jaemin’s mom baked some cookies. Join us when the sweetness dialed down. Bye!”

The two watch Renjun run towards their friends, walking back to Jaemin’s house. Donghyuck and Mark laugh before standing up and following behind. 

“I love you.”

A spark of surprise and love shows in the other’s eyes before a smile forms on his lips.

“I love you too.”

"Wanna run?" Mark asks.

"Sure. Together?"

Mark reaches Donghyuck's hand and intertwines their fingers. "Together."

  
  
  


There will be a time that you will tell yourself that you will only be giving those eight letters to one person. There will also be a time where you will be unsure how many times you think you can keep repeating saying those, spelling with the same set of letters, to that one person.

They said days passed by so fast, but night changes faster.

####  **PART 3**

Mark is staring blankly at the illuminated screen on his phone. He reads the same words again and again. The words from the last text message he received from the past two weeks. Who would’ve thought how fast really the night changes and how fast the spaces grow deeper. Not just by the actual distance from places but how far he feels from the other who is sleeping on the other side of the dorm building. 

It’s been two weeks since he last texted Donghyuck, and since Donghyuck last replied to him. They fought about how Mark starts to feel a distance between them like they don’t talk to each other nor sleep in the same bed anymore. There are nights that Donghyuck stays a couple of days by Jeno and Jaemin’s dorm, mainly because it’s closer to his university. Mark can’t blame him for that, and he can’t also force Donghyuck to stop it, because it’ll make everything harder. Mark can’t also just move out and transfer to a different dorm, because the dorm he is staying in is covered by his scholarship, requesting to transfer to a different dorm will be too much paperwork and might also cause a delay. 

Mark is completely aware of how it might seem so shallow and childish of him to start a fight just because of that reason. He could choose to be a supportive boyfriend and understand Donghyuck’s struggles but there are times that the distance between them, even though a few feet apart is unbearable. He tried to reach out, to talk about it but it seems like his timing is bad. 

_ “Do really you want to talk about this? Seriously? Do you even understand how much I bear with the transportation and time I devote just to go back here and be with you? And now you’re saying that you’re having a hard time because you feel distant from me? Mark, please. . .'' Donghyuck says with a staggered breath and tired expression on his face. He places a hand on his eyes, covering them as he takes a moment to stabilize his breathing and the throbbing in his head.  _

_ Mark’s stoic expression softens as he sees Donghyuck stumble a bit while standing. He wants to reach out to the other and wraps his arms around him, but he chooses to stick on his feet.  _

_ Donghyuck shakes his head and takes a deep breath, then lifts him, but his eyes are on the floor. “We need time. Time to be completely away from each other. If you can’t stand the idea of me being distant, then I will stand away more for you to understand that it’s not just you who can’t bear with it.” He picks up his bag from the table and fixes them on his arms.  _

_ Mark wanted to say: ‘please don’t leave, stay’, but nothing came out of his mouth. His soft expression now shifted into a defeated one.  _

_ Donghyuck is at the door, hand levitating above the doorknob. He doesn't know whether he is hesitating to leave or waiting for Mark to say something. He flickers his eyelids as tears well up. He turns the knob.  _

_ “You know we made a promise, right?” he says under his breath, which surprisingly echoed through the walls. “We made a promise that we will love each other. This is me trying to keep that promise.” He turns his head to the side, not fully turning to face the other. “I love you, Mark, and I know you love me, so I hope that you’ll understand why I’m doing this.” _

The memory of that night keeps playing back in his mind. Even from the moment he woke up, sat by the small dining table where Donghyuck used to sit right across him after cooking the both of them breakfast, and to the walk down the dorm gates, which is the last stop before they both went to different paths towards different universities. He can’t focus on his classes. He gets called by their professor a couple of times now. His professors are not angry at him. They’re worried because Mark isn’t like that. 

  
  


A few days turned into weeks until it became a month. Mark never felt so empty like he'd felt through that whole month. 

“Mark?” 

“Mina?”

Mina happily walks towards Mark and gives him a warm embrace. Mark didn’t know how to react at all, but he reciprocated the embrace awkwardly. 

“Wow, it’s been three years. How are you?” Mina asks after letting Mark go from the embrace, smiling brightly, as she sees her friend after a long time. 

Mark awkwardly smiles, “I’m doing fine, yeah.” Is he doing fine?

“Are you sure? You seem so tired. You’re skinnier, and you have dark circles under your eyes too.” she says, furrowing her eyebrows as she notices those changes and getting worried.

Mark forces a smile as he shakes his head. “I’m doing fine. It’s just the college stress, I guess. There’s a lot of deadlines to beat and a lot more lessons to incorporate in my mind, hehe.”

“Hm. . .if you say so. Have you had lunch?” Mark shakes his head. “Then let’s go to the newly opened restaurant by the corner near the university. I would like to have some catching up with your life, Mr. Mark Lee.” 

  
  


They are at a noodle restaurant, which still has the festive decorations left from the grand opening last week. Mark has heard about it but is not that interested to visit. The first thing that came to his mind is texting Donghyuck about it and asking him if he would like to go, but he never pressed the send button.

“The noodles are great,” Mina says after taking a spoonful, then heading to take a bite from the dumpling. “This is good.”

Mark chuckles at how enthusiastic Mina is reacting to every element she tastes. “Haven’t you eaten any noodle dish for three years?” he jokes.

“Nah, I did. Authentic Japanese ramen is great, but it’s been a long time since I got to eat Korean noodles.”

“Oh, how’s the school in Japan, by the way?”

“It’s good. I’m still a bit rusty in my Japanese writing, but I’m fluent in speaking, and I also have friends who are Korean and from different countries. English is mainly the medium we use, but Japanese is much more encouraged to use.”

“Ah. . .” Mark nods. “That’s great to hear.”

“Uhuh. Oh, I forgot to ask, how’s Donghyuck?”

Mark feels like time stopped. His eyes start to shake a little by just the anxiety on how to answer the question. 

“He’s-- he’s doing fine,” Mark swallowed hard by the last word. “He’s been busy in their university. He took a culinary major in baking, so you know, a lot of training and stuff.”

“Oh, culinary. That seems like a very busy and physically draining course to take. I had an aunt that also took a course in culinary, and she said it’s more on the training than lecturing.” Mina says. “But, how are you two doing?”

“Well. . . ” Mark trails. “We’re doing great, yeah,” he replies while nodding his head but refuses to look up. 

Mina hums, feeling a bit suspicious as she seems that there’s something off with Mark’s answers. She places down her chopsticks before reaching across the table to hold Mark’s hand. “You know you can be honest with me.”

“Well, you know,” He takes a deep breath. “College is tough for the both of us since we’re both in different tracks and different universities which are very far from each other. There’s that space between us. It is not physical distance but. . . something like a gap.”

“Oh, so, you mean to say, you two had a fight?”

“Yeah. . . sort of,”

“So, you haven’t talked to each other to resolve it?”

Mark pauses his hand that is holding his chopstick. He stares at his bowl before putting down the chopsticks. He is silent for a whole minute. Mina lets him.

  
  


“Just talk to him,” Mina says as she pats Mark on the shoulder. “Don’t let college and distance ruin what you have. Let your love for each other and patience help make it through, okay?”

Mark nods, a small smile appearing on his face. “Thank you, Mina. you’re a great friend. I will try to talk to him, I promise.”

“Don’t promise that to me. Promise that to yourself, for him. This is my bus, I guess. Bye, Mark,” Mina waves at her friend as she steps onto the bus. 

  
  


_ Talk. Talk to him, Mark _ . 

  
  


“Mark,”

He is frozen on his feet and his eyes can’t seem to believe what or  _ who _ is standing in front of him. It’s been a month since the last time they were both standing on the same spot. It somewhat feels different. It feels awkward.

“Hyuck,”

Donghyuck has a small smile on his lips. Mark takes a step to see him more under the dim light from the lamp at the corners of the room. He can tell that no matter how long he has been with or separated from the other, nothing will ever be able to take his breath away but him. He notices some dark circles and restlessness in Donghyuck’s eyes. He can think about how he can remove those and replace them with something else better. 

“I missed you,” Donghyuck says softly. His voice is still the same soft, honey-laced voice that Mark always falls to. 

“I missed you too,” Mark replies. He takes a couple more steps before pulling the other in a tight embrace. He never felt the rush of relief that came in him as soon as he inhaled the familiar sweetly intoxicating scent. 

Donghyuck wraps his arms around Mark, and he can’t stop his eyes watering, and his breath hitched. He held tight as a hiccup came out. 

  
  


“I’m sorry for lashing out on you,” Donghyuck starts, arms still wrapped around Mark as they were lying on their bed. “I know I should’ve considered your struggles in the situation, not just mine. It’s unfair of me.”

Mark hums as he continues to play with the long hair ends of the younger. A gesture he knows that comforts him. “I’m so sorry too for acting selfishly and dramatically. I should be the one who should’ve been more considerate. You sacrifice time and effort daily just so you can be with me. I’m the unfair one, Hyuck, not you. All you ever did is be there for me, even though you’re having a hard time. Can you promise me that, no matter it may be, if you’re having a hard time with it, you will tell me, okay? Then we’ll talk about what we can do.”

“Hm, I promise. Mark,” 

“Yes?”

Donghyuck cranes his neck towards Mark, his eyes falling on the latter’s lips. “I miss you.”

Mark’s heart is beating loudly like it’s back and alive. “I know. I missed you too.”

“Do you know that Renjun kept nagging me about talking and fixing things with you?”

“He did?”

Donghyuck nods. “He said that we’re both dramatic about it and that we should’ve talked like adults.”

“He’s right, though. By the way, where did you stay? I thought you stayed at Jaemin and Jeno's?”

“Yeah, I stayed in Jeno’s. He is the first one I thought of. Jaemin moved out to another dorm room. I don't know why though."

“Oh. Okay, that’s good to know.” 

Mark doesn't know why or how, but he felt something inside that he feels uneasy with, and it is concerning his impulse to tighten his hold of Donghyuck. He is taken off his though when he hears a yawn on his side. “You’re sleepy?”

Donghyuck nods as he rubs his eyes. 

“Sleep, Hyuck. Good night,” he says, then places a gentle kiss on top of Donghyuck’s head.

Mark hears a mumble from the younger but chuckles instead. He tightens his arms around the younger, never wanting the feeling of holding something warm and so dear to you in his arms.

  
  


**\-------------------**

  
  


“You still haven’t tried to tell him?” 

“I did, but it’s--it’s very hard.” Donghyuck heavily sighs as he puts down the pen and pushes the notebook aside. “We just made up. I can’t just tell him about it and expect that he won’t react over it,” 

Renjun shakes his head, looking at his devastated best friend across the table. “I told you that you should’ve mentioned it before you distanced yourself. How do you think Hyung will react to it now? Do you think that he will take the whole thing easily after what you both went through?”

“But. . . but he said that I can tell him anything that troubles me. We can talk about it.” 

“And you think that you can simply tell him about being scouted in that culinary institute in the States?” Jeno chimes with a stern voice. “I’m with Renjun. Hyung will not take it easy after what happened.”

Donghyuck scoffs, “you always side with Renjun.” 

“And you always side with Jaemin,” Jeno retorts. 

“Yah!” Jaemin sits up and crosses his arms on his chest. “I have a good point here, and at the same time, Mark Hyung and Donghyuck are my friends. I just want to help my friends here. If Donghyuck will talk to Hyung about it as soon as it’s still not too late, nothing can go bad.”

“Yeah? And what if everything goes bad? Donhyuck will be crying and broken again at the end of the day.” Jeno argues.

Jaemin furrows his eyebrows at what Jeno said. “Do you think Donghyuck is the only one who will be broken and in pain? Is Mark Hyung not your friend? Or are you still clinging to--” He cuts himself as Jeno flicks his eyes on him. 

“Clinging to what?”

Jaemin swallows thickly. He shakes his head, “nothing.” 

The atmosphere suddenly became heavy on the table as Jeno and Jaemin shot daggers at each other. Donghyuck feels anxious in his seat, while Renjun sighs heavily. 

“Can you two stop it? Don’t tell me you’re also fighting? Am I the only one who doesn’t have an issue in their love life?” 

The three are wide-eyed then turn to Renjun. Now, Renjun feels small and anxious as the three pairs of eyes are staring intently at him. He shifts in his seat. “What are you looking at?”

“You have a love life?!” the three ask simultaneously. 

The anxiousness immediately went away. Renjun rolls his eyes and sighs in disbelief. “Why am I friends with you?” 

  
  


**\-------------------**

  
  


“I have something important to say,” Mark and Donghyuck said at the same time as they sat on their designated chairs at the small table of the dorm, facing each other. They also both smile awkwardly. 

“You first,” they end up staying together, making them chuckle. Not in the same manner. Mark chuckled giddily, while Donghyuck chuckles awkwardly.

“I’ll go first,” Mark says. “Is that okay?”

Donghyuck nods. “Sure,”

“So, um, I have something to ask your opinion about. There’s a festival at my university next month, to celebrate the seniors' graduation. There will be events, stalls, and performances. The thing about that is, per college department has to have something to perform. Anything. So, our department head asks me if I could.” 

“Hm, you’ll perform alone? Or with a group of other students?”

“Well, that’s the thing, because I would like to perform. . .with you and the others again. I already asked if I can invite people outside the school, and they said as long as I get you all passes, everything will be fine. But of course, I know that all of you have your things to do. I don't want you to feel obliged to say yes.” 

“But if we say no, who will you perform with?”

“I can ask some of my friends there. I also know some who can play instruments.”

“Oh. . . Have you asked them regarding that?”

Mark shakes his head, “I haven’t. I want to ask you first because you’re the one I want to perform with.”

Donghyuck froze by hearing that. He unconsciously dropped the chopsticks, straddling him and Mark. 

Mark immediately reaches for Donghyuck’s hand. “Are you okay?” He didn’t get any reply. “Hyuck, is there something wrong? Hyuck?”

“Mark,” a weak voice came out. 

“Hm?”

Donghyuck looks at Mark’s eyes, trying to hold himself together. He doesn't want to hurt or upset the older, but he doesn't want to hide anything from him either. He takes a deep breath, then grasps at Mark’s hands. “You said that I can tell you anything that troubles me, right?”

Mark nods, “hmm.”

“Please promise me that you will listen to what I’m about to say and put whatever emotion aside for a moment.”

“Oh. . . okay. I promise,” Mark responds, feeling a bit nervous about how Donghyuck is behaving. 

“I’m--I’m scouted by a culinary institute and offered a full scholarship,”

Mark perks up and smiles brightly, happy to hear such good news from the other. “Wow, congratulations. That’s great. If you accept that, then you don't have to work in that cafe anymore. You can focus more on your studies and--”

“In the States.” 

.

.

.

“What?”

Donghyuck’s shoulders are shaking, his whole body is shaking and his eyes are getting watery. Mark is shocked and confused. He takes deep breaths, processing what Donghyuck said. 

“When did you get the offer?”

“The week before we had a fight.”

Mark’s mouth fell open in disbelief. “The week. . .before we had a fight. So, it’s been that long ago? And you didn’t think about telling me?”

“I did! That’s why I’m so distressed at that time. That’s why I lashed out at you. I’ve been thinking about how I will tell you.”

“But let me guess-- you easily tell that to them, didn’t you? Especially Jeno.”

“Renjun is the first one I told that to. Then Jeno, and Jaemin, and then Chenle and Jisung.”

Mark clenches his jaw. “So, I’m the only one who still has no idea about this? Are you even planning to tell me or what?!” his voice raises a bit, making Donghyuck flinch. “Hyuck, we promised that we will tell each other everything.  _ Everything.” _

“I know. It’s just-- I don’t want to tell you that. . .”

“That what?”

"I have accepted the offer," Donghyuck’s breathing is quivering as he steadies himself. "I only have to finish this school year, then I’ll have to head there immediately.” 

.

.

.

.

.

Silence

  
  


In a bed that used to be warm, it never felt so cold and empty. The night seems to be longer and the air is heavier that it feels suffocating. 

  
  


**\-------------------**

  
  


They didn’t talk about it. They also didn’t talk to each other, except for a few hums or exchanges of words. Donghyuck never felt sadder. Mark never felt more devastated. The whole place never felt more empty. 

  
  


“I think you should’ve talked more with him than give each other silent treatment,” Jaemin says. “Did you not think of considering a long-distance relationship?”

Mark shakes his head, “none of us brought it up. I didn’t consider that. Neither did he, I think.”

“Hm, because you took it too deeply?”

Mark is speechless, knowing that it is true. 

“Everything is difficult for Donghyuck from the start already. Did you even think why it is difficult for him to tell you about the offer?” Mark shakes his head for the second time. Jaemin sighs. “Be thankful that I’m your friend and I’m sparing you a slap on the head for that.”

Mark snickers. 

“Donghyuck thought about you the whole time. He considered your feelings and how will the whole thing with him accepting the offer affect your relationship. Don’t you guys wanna try a long-distance relationship? In your case, it is the best option, or. . .”

“Or what?”

Jaemin sighs, “just talk to him about considering that. And don’t let your nerve come first and let Donghyuck think it through. Give him time.” 

Mark bits the inside of his cheek at the mentioned  _ time _ . “I don’t think we even have time anymore.”

“Then go by the second option,” Jaemin says as he leans back on the seat. “That has always been the best option for most of us anyway.” 

“You chose that option, didn’t you?”

Jaemin clenches his jaw, crosses his arms on his chest then tightens his arms around his sides. “He can’t let go, so I have to. For the best of us.”

  
  


**\-------------------**

  
  


“I’ll be heading off now,” Donghyuck lifelessly says as he stands by the door. 

Mark nods but is looking down at the bowl of cereal. A sound of the door shut echoes through the quiet place. He hasn’t talked to Donghyuck about what Jaemin told him. He doesn’t know what he’s hesitating about. He only has to tell Donghyuck about the options on what they can do for their relationship. The options he should’ve thought about on the night Donghyuck told him about the offer. If only he thought about it, they wouldn’t be like this, for the second time. What’s more devastating this time is the idea that they’re seeing each other, but it feels like they’re seeing a stranger. 

The door creaks open. 

“Sorry,” Donghyuck appears behind. “I forgot something.” he rushes inside and heads to their room. 

Donghyuck opens the top drawer of the desk and searches through the folders and envelopes inside. 

“Hyuck,” 

“Yeah?”

“Can I talk to you about something?”

“. . . . hm, what?” Donghyuck continues his search, not paying the other much attention, until--

“What--what do you think about a long-distance relationship?”

He pauses, then slowly stands up and turns to Mark with a blank surprised expression. “Long distance relationship?”

Mark flinches at how blank Donghyuck’s voice is. “Yeah. Long-distance relationship.”

“And do you think we’ll work out,” Donghyuck takes a step forward, “with that kind of setting? Do you think we can?”

Mark shrugs, “not sure, but it doesn’t hurt to try. I just thought that it’s the best option for us. You in the States, me here in Korea. We can do calls, texts, or if there will be semester breaks we can visit each other.”

“People in long-distance relationships most often don’t work out. Mainly because of the distance itself, lack of presence of their partner by their side, and even though there’s communication that doesn’t guarantee stability in the relationship. What’s worse is if the two or one of them slowly falls out of the relationship.”

“Why? Do you think that we would, or one of us would fall out?” Mark felt something gradually sink in him. Like a drop, and then suddenly you will feel weak, that your feet can’t support you and your head feels heavy just like your chest. 

“I don’t know. Do you think we won’t?”

“Hyuck, are you tired of us?” 

“I don’t know. All I know is everything is difficult. I want to stay,” he lets out a shaky breath. “I want to stay because I want to choose you.” A tear falls from the corner of his eyes. “We made a promise that we will choose each other, no matter what, but Mark--” his breath hitched. “Just this once, I want to choose myself. I don’t want to because I know that will hurt you, but I jus--” 

Donghyuck stumbles that makes him hold on to the desk chair as he starts to sob and tremble. Mark is immediate to his side, supporting him by holding his arms. He guides him to sit on the end of their bed, then places Donghyuck’s head on his chest. In an impulse, he massages the other’s nape. Attempting to calm down the sobs and trembling.

“You can choose yourself, Hyuck. It’s okay.” He swallows hard as tears start to fall. “It’s okay,” he says as softly as he can without any trace of a sob. 

  
  
  


It's another quiet morning in their dorm. Nothing new. They’re sitting at the small table across from each other. No one has touched their breakfast, just staring and not having an appetite. 

“About--” 

They both started, then felt awkward after. 

“I--”

Again.

“Hyuc--”

“I’m sorry,” Donghyuck cuts Mark. 

Mark looks at him with soft eyes. He reaches for Donghyuck’s hand on the table. He let out a sigh of relief when the other didn’t flinch and accepted the gesture. He also accepted that it is not reciprocated. 

“Hey,” he says softly with a small smile. “You don’t have to be sorry. You don’t have to pressure yourself into choosing between you and me. I will still love you, even if you will not choose me. Okay?”

Donghyuck chews his bottom lip and his shoulders start to shake. “We will be okay, right?” He looks up to Mark. “You and I will still be okay,”

Mark stares at him with genuine uncertainty. “I honestly don’t know. But we can try that,” he squeezes Donghyuck’s hand, “we can try.” He tries to have a reassuring smile, but he knows that Donghuck knows that he is just as uncertain as he is as he reciprocates it.

  
  


**\-------------------**

  
  


It’s the final night of the festival. Also the night of the performances. All the graduating students from college departments gathered around the particularly huge gymnasium. The crowd is very much alive and excited for their juniors’ prepared performances for them. 

It is Mark’s turn. He decided to perform solo.

“Get ready in ten seconds,” one of the staff says. “We’ll just fix the stage for a moment.”

“Have any of you seen Hyuck?” Mark asks the five; Renjun, Jeno, Jaemin, Chenle, and Jisung. 

Jaemin, Chenle, and Jisung shake their heads. 

“No,” Renjun apologetically says. “I texted him an hour ago, but he still hasn't replied nor read my messages.”

“But did any of you tried calling him?” Mark asks them. They all collectively nod at him. “He didn’t answer?”

“No, his number is unattended,” Jaemin answers. “I can try contacting him again.” He pulls his phone from the pocket of his jacket and taps on the screen.

Mark feels nervous watching Jaemin wait for Donghyuck to pick up the phone more than to the fact that in a second he will be on stage.

"Mark!" The same staff called. "It's your turn."

"Oh. . ." He internally wished that he could stay for a little bit to see whether Donghyuck would answer or not. 

A long beep from the phone came. Donghyuck didn't pick up the phone.

"I'll -- I'll go to the stage now. Wish me luck!" He tries to sound cheerful as if he doesn't feel that sinking emptiness in him once again. 

“Good luck, Hyung!” 

“You’ll do great!”

“Hwaiting!”

Mark bowed and smiled with gladness that he had them. He tries to put those in his mind as a motivation on stage. Even though he tries hard, that void he feels still lingers.

_ He promised that he will watch. Where could he be? _

“He still won’t answer,” Jaemin says, then lets out a heavy sigh. “He promised that he will watch Mark Hyung’s performance.”

“Don’t worry,” Renjun says. He places a comforting hand on Jaemin’s shoulder. “Hyuck will be here. He might just be caught up in traffic or something. He’ll be here. He promised.”

Jaemin nods, knowing that Renjuns is probably right. Hopefully, he’s right. 

The five of them watch Mark’s performance. They cheered from backstage, knowing he needs it more than ever. Especially, with the fact that someone is still not there. Mark starts, and the crowd quickly cheers for a moment, then waves their hands on the air along with the soft rhythm of the guitar. 

Falling on the rooftop

Oh, baby tell me why'd you have to go

'Cause this pain I feel

It won't go away

And today I'm officially missing you

Oh, can't nobody do it like you

Said every little thing you do

Hey, baby say it stays on my mind

And I, I'm officially missing you. . .

Mark sings soulfully, which made the whole crowd be in awe of the emotions from his voice. He only wishes that the one person he dedicated this song to will be able to hear those lyrics before the last strum.

Everyone clapped and cheered. All are very delighted by the heartfelt and good vibe guitar performance by Mark. He sees the people from his department cheering the loudest from their seats. He can’t help but shyly smile before bowing to them and the crowd. He feels marginally better, and he feels something warm radiating in his chest. That warmth radiated more when he entered backstage and was immediately engulfed in a group hug.

“That’s so great, Hyung!” Chenle says.

“Hehe, thank you,” Mark says with his head a little low to cover the blush on his cheeks.

“Awww, is Hyungie blushing?” Jaemin teases, which makes the others laugh. 

Mark didn’t protest nor deny because it is true that he is blushing. A thought passed by. “Oh, have you heard from Donghyuck?” 

A shift of expressions and silence answered his question. The warmth inside him slowly fades away.  _ But he promised he will be here,  _ he says in his mind.

“Donghyuck will not be here,” Jeno suddenly announces. They all turn to him, confused. 

“What do you mean by that?” Mark asks. He steps towards him. “Did he message you? When did he tell you?”

Jeno sighs, “he won’t be able to be here because he’s  _ not  _ going here. He’s probably at the airport by now.”

Mark’s eyes went wide, surprised and agitated to hear everything Jeno just said. “What?! He’s at the airport? Why would he be there? What are you saying?”

Jeno stares blankly at him. “What makes you think the reason why he hasn’t read nor replied to all of our messages. Why he hasn’t answered any of our calls, and his number is unattended. Hyung, he’s about to board a plane in thirty minutes. He’s leaving.”

“No! You’re lying!” 

Mark grabs Jeno by the collar of his shirt. Renjun and Jaemin immediately stepped in. Jaemin shields Jeno, while Chenle and Jisung hold Mark. Renjun stands in the middle. “Stop! Don’t start a scene here! You’re both grown-ups! Act like one!” he says.

“Jeno,” Jaemin says softly, but distressed evident in his voice as he turns to the other. “Where’s Donghyuck? Tell us everything. Jeno please,” he reaches for his hand, but it moves away. 

He turns to meet Jaemin’s pleading eyes, “I told you. He’s at the airport,” he turns to Mark. “If you still want to see him. Go, while you still have a few minutes.”

Mark shrugs Chenle and Jisung’s hold on him. He stares at Jeno’s blank but stern eyes with his pained and agitated ones. He removes the guitar on his shoulder and handed it to Renjun. Without saying any word, he bolted out of backstage.

“What the hell, Jeno?!” Renjun is furious. “Why didn’t you say a word? Is that why you’ve been quiet the whole time?”

Jeno keeps his stern, blank stare. “Even if I’ve said anything earlier, everything is already too late. Besides, Donghyuck asked me to keep it from you, all of you. Especially to Hyung.”

Renjun furrows his brows, “even if you made a promise, you should’ve still considered the fact that  _ we _ are also  _ your _ friends.  _ Donghyuck _ is also  _ our _ friend.”

“That wouldn’t change a thing,”

“Yes, it would!” Jaemin answers, red in anger. Jeno’s stern, blank stare shifted; it softened as he saw beyond the anger in Jaemin’s eyes. “You’re unfair. I gave us up because I want to be fair with you, and I don’t want you to force yourself to hold on to us because you can’t let him go. You’re unfair to all of us for taking away our chance to see our friend before he goes. You’re unfair to them because you could’ve helped them at least have one more chance to talk before who knows how long it’ll take before they get to talk again.” 

Jeno lost all seriousness in him as soon as a tear rolled down on Jaemin’s cheek. The three are looking at the whole scene with sad, worried looks. They also feel a bit lost on what Jaemin is pertaining in his first sentence. 

“You’re so unfair, Jeno,” Jaemin says under his breath with spite and pain.

“I’m just trying to be a friend,” he softly replies.

“You should’ve also tried to be  _ a friend  _ to us, not just to him.” Jaemin walks out.

“Jaemin!” Renjun calls. “This is so messed up,” He groans in frustration as he puts his hands on his head. 

Through the years of their friendship, this is the most frustrating and problematic conflict they ever have. Resulting in a conflicted relationship, a frustrating and uncomfortable atmosphere, and two hearts that are about to be broken as much as they already are.

  
  
  


Mark has been calling and calling Donghyuck’s phone for the past five minutes. He is thankful that he can immediately hail a taxi, and there is no traffic on the way to the airport. He is in a cold sweat, his hands are shaky, and his heart beats so fast, making a ringing sound in his ears. 

“Come on, please answer,” he prays under his breath as he clenches his phone. He feels his chest tightens as another long beep comes. He wants to cry, but he feels a heavy void in him, that he can’t seem to think about crying. All he wants to focus on is wishing and praying that he still has time. That he can still have time to even say a few words before watching Donghyuck walk and board the plane.

  
  


“Thank you, sir!” He says to the driver politely. 

He runs towards the entrance through the automated glass doors. He searched for the nearest departure area. He ran and ran, looking left and right. He stops by a large screen that projects the boarding schedules. His eyes browsed very fast, then he saw it.  _ 7 minutes _ . By that, he looks for a guard or an attendant at least to ask where gate 8 is. Luckily there’s one walking toward his direction. 

“Please be here, please be here,” he wishes. He is now in the gate area that the guard guided him to. There are a few people in the area, but there is no sign of the one he is looking for. He continues to look, and look, and look. He halts in his steps as he tries to call again. He checks the time on his digital wall clock on the wall.  _ 3 minutes _ . 

The same long beep answered. 

Then an announcement tune came out of the speakers.  _ “This is the final boarding call for all the passengers booked on flight 825D to the United States. Please proceed to gate 8 immediately. The final checks are being completed, and the doors will be closed in a few minutes. I repeat. This is the final boarding call. Thank you.” _

He felt that sinking void in his chest again. He knows that it’s impossible to even hope that Donghyuck hasn’t boarded yet. He wants to search again and try and try to call the other. He could also enter gate 8, but he doesn’t have a ticket, and guards can end up taking him. A lot of thought runs in his mind that he just let out a heavy sigh. 

  
  


Mark is sitting by a metal bench in the departure area. Feeling lifeless and empty. He holds up the phone near his ear as he tries to press the call button for the twenty-seventh time now. He shifts to calls then texts. All his texts are delivered, but none are read. 

When the long beep came again, that’s when he let out a shaky breath as his eyes started to water. Then he starts to ask,  _ why? Why didn’t he tell me? _

“Mark?” a familiar voice came in front of him. 

He jumps up to see who it is. He’s surprised to see none other than.--

“Doyoung Hyung?” and next to him is-- “Kun Hyung?”

"What are you doing here?" Doyoung asks. “Shouldn’t you be in your university? I heard that you’re performing--” He cuts himself with a sudden realization. “He didn’t tell you, did he,” he says more as a statement than a question. 

Mark crumbles down. 

Doyoung takes a breath before approaching him. He places his hand on Mark’s back, and then he pulls him in a comforting embrace. He brushes Mark’s hair in an attempt to say that it’s okay to let everything out; every tear, every sob, everything. Doyoung gazes at Kun, who also shares the same worried expression.

  
  


“Can I stay?” Mark asks, entering Doyoung and Kun’s dorm. 

“Of course you can. It’s pretty late now if we’ll drive you back to your dorm. And I won’t allow you to be on your own in that state.” Doyoung says as he takes off his jacket and hangs it on the wall hanger. “Would you want me to call Taeyo--”

“No!” 

Doyoung is taken aback but nods anyway. “Oh, okay then.” 

“Um, do you want something to eat, or drink?” Kun asks, standing next to Doyoung. “I think we still have some chicken we cooked this lunch.”

Mark shakes his head, “it’s okay, Hyung. I’m not hungry. I’m okay.”  _ I’m okay _ , he repeats in his mind. 

The two share another worried look. 

“Talk to him,” Kun softly says. “He has a lot to hear. I'll fix the other room.” He says before leaning, then places a quick peck on Doyoung’s forehead. 

Once Kun has shot the door, Doyoung sighs heavily then sits on the small couch opposite Mark. 

“Would you like to know why he didn’t tell you?”

Mark nods. 

“Because he doesn't want to see you anymore,” Mark flinched. “He doesn’t want to see you because he knows that he might change his mind,” Mark looks up, meeting Doyoung's serious eyes. 

“I’ve already told him that it’s okay not to choose me. It’s his right and freedom to choose himself. No one is obliged to choose another person over their selves, just because they love them or they’re in a relationship.”

“That’s the problem, though. He loves you, to the extent that he’s willing to change his mind in a second. He’s willing to turn down the offer and stay.”

“If so, he should’ve thought about that when he received it. Instead of hiding it from me, and tell me that he already accepted it.” He felt a bit of anger spark in his voice.

“He didn’t tell you about it because, according to him, he is scared.”

“But he should’ve at least tried to!” Mark argues, making Doyoung silent. “When he told that to me, of course, I took it deeply. I did not feel any amount of detrimental. I felt like I failed; I failed to make him think that he can tell me anything. Like he's not comfortable with me. And even though we live in the same place, he always feels so far away. . .”

Doyoung does not know what to say or reply. 

“I don’t know where it all went down. It’s like one night we fought, then he stayed at another place, and then he came back, we talked things through. Now, this. . .” he sounds and feels so defeated. “I even suggested having a long-distance relationship but--"

"But he refused." Doyoung finishes for him. "He does have a point though. What if it won't work. It'll cause a much more heavy, empty pain inside you two. I know that trying could've made things differently, but that's just one part of it. What about the in-betweens, the casual bickering that can lead to actual arguments, constant calls, and messages that one day will stop. A lot of things can happen in between, Mark. What’s worse is if one of you or both of you falls out.”

Mark flinched by hearing that again. 

“But what if we won’t?”

“But what if you will?” Doyoung counters. Mark felt nostalgia. 

Doyoung places his elbows on his knees then leans forward. “Love may not have boundaries, but it has distance. To love, we take risks to prove our will to fight for it, but we also have to learn how to make sacrifices. Not because of selfishness, but to spare the other the pain of waiting.”

A stretch of silence came into the room. Mark bows his head in frustration and emotional exhaustion. He’s tired, drained, and devastated but also feeling numb. He wishes it’ll stay like that, just numb. 

Doyoung sadly frowns at how Mark looks like; Far from the usual smiley and shy kid he always sees with his brother. But, his brother is on an airplane to the States now, and that smiley, shy kid is here in their dorm, devastated and dejected. He feels bad for Mark and guilty for not telling Mark and choosing to keep his word to his brother. Wait.

“I forgot,” he says, then blinks his eyes as we have a moment of recollection. “He left something for you. Come with me.” he gestures to Mark to follow him.

Doyoung turns the lamp on then opens the top drawer of the bedside table. He pulls what seems like a letter envelope. “He told me to give this to you,” he hands it to Mark.

He takes it. He is surprised to pull out a necklace rather than a piece of paper. "What's this?"

"That's his anniversary gift to you," Doyoung answers. "Your anniversary is next week, right? Donghyuck was planning to put that in a box, but he said that it'll be troublesome to think where to put the box after," he tries to joke. 

Mark smiles as he can hear Donghyuck whining by saying those. Then he suddenly realized it's been a long time since the last time he heard those whines. Those giggles. The high-pitched aegyo voice he always uses to annoy Mark or Renjun or Doyoung. He misses those. Who knows when he will be able to hear those again. 

  
  
  


He turns to his side, facing the window pane next to the bed, showing a clear view of the moon. It seems okay to look at the moon for now while waiting patiently for the sun to show. It's always worth the wait anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> so, what do you think happened next?


End file.
